Royally Flawsome ♛

35 ♛

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I wake up to a pool of drool that formulated on miss Tatu's duvet where I placed my head on.
I switch on my phone and squint, the brightness almost blinding me. As soon as my eyes adjust to the brightness I see twenty missed calls from Maximus and a text from mom asking if I had arrived safely with a deer emoji at the end. I smile and quickly respond.

I call Maximus back, but not expecting him to pick up due to the evident time difference.
One ring, two rings, my eyes slowly start to droop... "Hello!" I smile and get up from where I was and walk into the bathroom, I almost gag at how crusty my face looked in the mirror.

"Hello Berry," I bite my nails, I didn't know what to call my fiancé, baby sounded too cringe and habiby sounded too romantic.

"Hello Iris," My smile widens.

"Sorry I didn't inform you, I just wanted some alone time you know," I rip my nail off and spit it out.

"Hales, you are a grown woman, I have no authority over your decisions whatsoever."

"You are the best..." I look at myself in the mirror. For a person who received nothing but love and affection from their parents why was it so hard to say "baby?" It was supposed to come naturally. I hear affectionate words on a daily basis yet here I was a wreck feeling shy and stupid to call my fiancé "baby."

"I love you Iris," or maybe I didn't need to go out of my comfort zone. Me and Maximus had our own little nick names and I found it cute being a little bit different from the norms.

"I love you more Hooded Berry Al-," My phone drops from my hand in shock when I hear a scream. In a frantic I leave my phone in the toilet and run outside. It was Hamis screaming for help. I run towards Miss Tatu's bed and place my head on her bony chest, her heart wasn't beating... I couldn't hear it. I place both my hands on her chest and push downwards. I was a nurse yet I didn't know what to do at a moment like that, I didn't know if it was suitable but it seemed suitable. My brain was fogged, not with thoughts but with sudden nothingness. Tears weren't streaming down my face, people in white clothes came streaming inside the room and suddenly darkness.

.

My eyes flutter upon and there stood Hamis hovering above me with a bottle of cold water, "you fainted," I jolt up and look towards the bed.

"Where is Miss Tatu!?" Hamis nods towards the door, "She is gone," and suddenly as if on instinct we found ourselves in each others arms, our pain mixing to indulge us in a blanket of sorrow and self hatred. We didn't speak, just cried on each others shoulders feeling the emotions that radiated from one another.

"I could have done something, I could have saved her yet I found it was better to sleep," I move from Hamis' arms, I didn't deserve his comfort, it was my fault his mom was gone. My presence had been nothing but a curse.

"Don't blame yourself Hales," he scoots closer and gently wipes the tears that fogged my eyesight from my eyes.

"Let me tell you something..." he carefully raises me up and sits me down on the coach. I lean back and close my eyes, my brain bombarded by images of Miss Tatu's smile.

.

"Hey baby," I look away from the window with the same usual landscape and towards the Maori woman I admired with all my heart and soul.

"Miss Tatu they want to take my leg away! You have to take me away! Save me please! I dont want my leg to go..." I had somehow already found comfort into her chest that was covered with her beady chains. I slightly move them away so that I could hear her rhythmic heartbeat that generated a sort of comfort. 

"Honey..." Her fiddling hands had already found their way into my hair and were slowly brushing away the tangles, "I hear you won't even let your mom brush your hair," I roll my eyes and sit down on the floor after seeing her retrieve a brush from her big bag.

"Hear me out Hales, you are a survivor. You haven't been granted a second chance in life to sulk and look back on the past. You were given a second chance to be someone great. To inspire. Some people don't get second goes at life. You did. One leg shouldn't change a thing, it should be a mark of your bravery and courage, it shouldn't make you any less different, the way you view it, is the way people will also view it. So be positive and no one will care that you have one leg..." My hair was all bundled in a neat bun at the top of my head with a few strands left out to frame my face, "You are special, don't let anything change who you are," I smile, her hands land on either side of my cheeks and she smiles that great smile of hers.

Her words had as little meaning to me as everyone else's words. Everyone tried to tell me everything was going to be okay and that I'm all these great things but neither of them impacted me. Speeches weren't going to do anything, they weren't going to stop what was already destined to happen. It was both a waste of energy and time.

They kept telling me to love who I was, love my life and be grateful for it, but in a world where everyone was filled with self remorse, where did self love fit in?

Yet when Miss Tatu asked if I was ready, I puffed my chest out and said that I was ready.

Ready for a large change in life.
.

"Mama is gone happy, she kept telling us that if she didn't see you even once, she wouldn't rest in peace. Seeing you freed her from the pain she is in and I'll be forever grateful for you coming all the way here to free her soul from the pain that consumed her body," I nod my head, letting the words rest in my head but never once registering there meaning. I stand up and stomp towards the door, "I need to see her one last time," Hamis shakes his head.

"She is gone Hales, they took her to the mortuary, its time for you to go also," I look at him with confusion painted all over my face. This boy didn't want me to stay for her funeral!

"Her body is being incremented and her ashes scattered into the ocean, it's what she wanted," the thought of burning a body sent shivers down my spine but if it was what Miss Tatu had wanted then I was in no position to ever decline her last wish.

I walk towards her bed and sit, I look at the sheets that she was covered in a few moments ago.  I regarded them  as a memory and not just sheets. It'd be washed and cleansed of her smell, ready to be wrapped to the next body the hospital prepared to treat to their own death, and the circle would go on until the sheets are of no use.

I wondered how many angels sought comfort in these sheets.

I look towards Hamis who had his head hanging in his hands, I wonder what it was like to lose a parent, especially a parent like Miss Tatu. Her death impacted us both, but of course it'd impact her son more. Her rays of sunshine dimmed upon his life, but this too was going to pass. Life of course isn't going to be the same without her but eventually over time we will all learn how to live without her and she'd be regarded as just a memory, forgotten and shoved in the back of our minds for most of the time. That's how deaths were, impacted us for a while but in the end the grief comes to an end and happy days await, we live and cherish their spirits and memories.

"She left a note for you," He whispers and gestures towards the envelope I had admired last night. I nod my head.

"No, later when Im dead," her words rang in my head but for some reason when her words had come true I wasn't as eager to open the envelope anymore. I wanted to know what lay in the letter but yet I couldn't find the power to just rip it open and read it.  I didn't even want to touch it. I wasn't ready.

"I can read it with you..." Hamis nods towards another envelope, "she left one for everyone," I nod but don't answer to his request.

"I think it's for ourselves to read," I take the envelope and put it in my back pocket.

"I think it's time for me to leave, Im going to board a ticket for later in the night," Hamis stands up and helps me pack some of the things I had unloaded from my bag at night. I go into the toilet and find my phone there. Berry was still on the call, I smile and whisper an I love you before ending the call. There were multiple texts from a bunch of people but I couldn't bring my mind to read any of them as my head was pounding. I switch off my phone and place it in my back pocket along with the letter.

"Bye Miss Tatu..."