Don't try to leave ever again - Tsukihina fanfiction (angst?)

...it hurts

Tsukishima's POV: 

He left and I just sat there for some time, crying with my head between my knees... I even tried pinching myself a few times, hoping that I'll wake up from this nightmare. It didn't work. ,,So it... It really happened huh?" I said to myself, lifting my head. I started crying even more, looking at the blue sky. I didn't want to go to practice. I wouldn't be able to play in this miserable state. And I definitely didn't want to see him. I got up after crying my eyes out and went straight home. 

No one was home when I got there. I went to my room and leaned my back against the wall. I felt so broken, so alone. I didn't even have the strength to cry anymore, I just fell onto my bed and fell asleep. 

Hinata's POV: 

,,BAKA! KAGEYAMA BAKA!" I shouted at Kageyama while playing with a volleyball. Practice was about to start but I didn't see Tsukishima anywhere. He says he doesn't care about volleyball but he never missed practice... Weird. When I saw Yamaguchi entering the gym I immediately ran towards him. ,,Hi Yamaguchi! Where's Tsukishima?" I greeted and asked. His eyes were red and he looked hurt. ,,We... We broke up." he said and tried to smile. ,,Oh... Um... Sorry..." I panicked. I quickly ran back to Kageyama and the others because I felt really embarrassed. 

Yamaguchi told everyone as soon as practice started. ,,Why did he break up with you?" Sugawara asked. Everyone looked at Yamaguchi expecting an answer. He was silent for a while and then he just said ,,I broke up with him, actually. I... I fell in love with Yachi. The blonde girl from my class.". He smiled but I could tell that he was still in pain. Everyone was surprised since we all thought that Tsukishima and Yamaguchi would eventually marry each other. 

The atmosphere at practice was awkward the whole time. We were all very quiet and we kept messing up. I guess we just didn't know how to act. Everyone was trying to cheer Yamaguchi up including me, but I was more worried about Tsukishima. He was always cold to everyone but the fact that he didn't come to practice made me feel uneasy. I'll text him later I decided. 

Tsukishima's POV: 

,,Huh?" I got up. Everything around me was dark. I looked at my phone to check the time. It was 3:42 in the morning. I had an unopened text message from... ,,Hinata? What could he possibly want?" I said out loud. I read the message. He was asking if I'm okay after what happened. ,,Huh? what is he..." I started asking myself another question but I couldn't finish it. Unfortunately, I remembered everything. I felt tears falling down my face again. 

I got up quietly and went to sit outside my house. It was raining. I sat down and leaned my back against the door. I was looking at the stars, thinking about everything that happened. I felt like a piece of crap, I was hungry and thirsty but I didn't have any motivation to eat or drink. I was home alone so I decided to take a bath.

When I got into the water, my body relaxed a little bit but my mind was still torn into pieces. I was so angry and sad at the same time... I started scratching my thighs without paying any attention to it, it didn't even hurt but soon they started bleeding a little bit. The sight made me feel a little bit better. I grabbed the razor I use when I need to shave and broke it. I took the blades out and then I just stared at them for a while. I picked the sharpest one and placed it onto my right thigh. Then I slowly moved my hand. After a second or two, blood started coming out of the cut. I felt a little bit calmer so I did it again. And again. 

I didn't even realize what I was doing but every cut distracted me from the memories of Yamaguchi. I started enjoying the pain. I felt alive again. I got up after all the blades were dull and my right thigh was covered with cuts. The bathtub was filled with bloody water. I realized what I did after staring into the water for a long while. I looked down to see a lot of blood on my thigh. I started panicking. ,,FUCK!" I screamed while washing off the blood. The cuts should heal quickly since they were quite shallow. 

,,Why did I even do it?! What's wrong with me?!" I kept asking myself, still screaming. I was sitting on my bed, bandaging my leg. Then I started crying once again, it was just too much to handle. I couldn't stop thinking about Yamaguchi. ,,Just come here and comfort me, Yams..." my voice cracked. I fell asleep after hours of crying.