Don't try to leave ever again - Tsukihina fanfiction (angst?)

Sun and Moon.

Author's note: This part is gonna be a lot longer so enjoy! 

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Hinata's POV: 

,,Now let's go upstairs, we both need to take a shower!" I said as I got up and helped Kei to his feet as well. Kei was not crying anymore but he was quiet and that worried me even more. I should not have kissed him. Ugh, I'm so dumb! What if... Does he hate me now? I think he hates me! He totally hates me! Oh God, I'm so fucking dumb!!! I panicked internally. I was scared and worried but I tried my best to keep a smile on my face for his sake. I grabbed my bag and we went to his room. ,,You go first, I need to unpack first" I said as I pointed to the bathroom. He nodded and walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. 

I unpacked my things and opened my diary. ,,Dear diary..." I started writing. ,,...I think Tsukishima hates me now. A lot of things have happened since my last entry... Kei tried to kill himself but I saved him, thank God. Then we slept together... Uh I mean, next to each other. And he had a dream about me... We hugged a lot, ate breakfast together... Then he had another breakdown... I couldn't take it anymore so I kissed him... And I kinda confessed... What if he doesn't feel the same? I know that it was too soon but I just... I had to do it... What if he hates me now? Ugh... I'm such an idiot..." I finished writing and buried my head in the pillows. I tried not to cry but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I waited for Kei to turn on the water so I could start crying without him overhearing. 

Tsukishima's POV: 

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I took my clothes of and just stared at my reflection in the mirror. I had blood on my wrists and countless cuts on my legs, I was pale, my eyes were red from all the crying I've done till now and I had dark circles under them. I didn't feel pretty at all, I looked like a walking corpse. So why... Why did you kiss me? Why are you in love with me? How do you not find me disgusting after all of this? I kept asking myself because I genuinely did not understand. I was confused. I wasn't mad nor sad. 

I got into the bathtub and turned the water on. I carefully washed the blood off of my wrists. It stung a little bit but that's what I get for doing dumb stuff. I started washing my body with soap when I heard quiet sobs coming out of my room. Is Shoyo crying? Why? I asked myself. I finished showering shortly and changed into some clean clothes. I walked out of the bathroom to to check up on Shoyo. 

His eyes were red so he was definitely crying before. ,,I- I'm gonna go take a shower now!" he jumped up and quickly ran into the bathroom with some clean clothes. He closed the door behind him immediately and I blinked a few times. ,,The fuck?" I looked around the room, confused. ,,What... Just happened?" I was super confused. Then I saw an open notebook on my bed. ,,Dear diary" I read out loud. Oh, it's his diary, I should not read that... I was about to close it when I saw my name. Okay now I need to know. I thought to myself as I started reading. ,,Why would I hate you, you dumb-ass? You literally saved my life!" I said quietly after reading the last entry. I was a little pissed but I had to keep my voice down because I didn't want Shoyo to find out that I was being nosy. Did he write anything else about me? I thought as I went a few pages back. I hated the thought of prying into his personal stuff but I was curious. 

Hinata's diary: 

17th October: ,,I made long eye contact with Tsukishima today. I never noticed how beautiful his eyes are. They remind me of honey and golden retrievers. I don't know why but they just have that kind of color... And they're pretty just like golden retrievers! :D"