Finally Free

45 ~ what if

S O P H I A | the stars will know our story

Carter's words of plea were the last thing I heard before I drifted off into a deep sleep. Too many thoughts circled my head as I fell deeper and deeper into my slumber. The constant guilt consumes me and my tendency to overthink and stress don't help this situation.

My head begins to hurt with too many questions of what if and why?

Carter saved my life, I've known that for awhile now but I can't help but fixate one the thought of,

What would happen if I had never met Carter?

What if I had lost the trial?

What if I was forced to be around the people who reminded me of that day, everyday?

What if?

I stumble around the empty apartment, the sounds of bottles and cans ringing in my ears.

My dad kicked me out a few months after Grace died and my mom and siblings are too pussy to stand up to him, plus Liam is at Harvard living his best life. I meet up with Paige maybe once every few weeks but she's been really busy at ballet class, or so she says.

My mother calls but not for long because my dad basically cut off contact.

So now I spend my days alone in this shitty apartment, drinking the pain away. I've been crashing with my friend Mara. Well, friend is a loose term, more like casual drug hookup.

It's been hell but it's all I have right now. Sometimes her dealers will have their way with us but I let them because otherwise I'd be out on the street. So I let them touch me and do whatever they want because they also give me copious amounts of the one thing I really want.

Drugs.

I make my way over to the nightstand and dig through the mess until I find an almost empty bottle of percocet. This and paracetamol have been my favorite recently.

Mara burst through the door but she's not alone. She's slobbering all over some guy and I see her shirt get thrown and hit my face and her bedroom door shuts with a bang.

I need to get out of here.

I take the subway now, saving time and gas money. I arrive in Manhattan, the worst place for a girl who lost a rape case to be. People don't stare anymore, New York is a big city and the people who do know who I am have forgotten by now.

I pass by a cafe that my family frequents and I immediately put on my sunglasses and hood to avoid the possibility of their presence. I freeze when I hear the cold voice of my father, but he's laughing.

I stand behind a car and turn on my phone so I don't look like a stalker. "James, Rebecca in all seriousness we are so sorry for the emotional damage that Sophia has caused your family." My whole body crumbles not only at his words but at who he's talking to.

Owen's parents.

I look over and see my mother sitting next to him, an uncomfortable smile on her face, she clearly hates what he's saying.

Emotional damage?

Seriously.

It's as if I'm nothing to him. His own daughter is gum on the back of his shoe. Every moment that I've spent with him has been forgotten. My dad used to be my best friend. I was his little girl, he would take me anywhere and everywhere.