Millicent

Chapter 8

I heard beeping from beside me, irritating me. I groaned, my eyes fluttering open while I looked up and to the side where the sound came from. I lifted my hand, touching the monitor watching as it sparked and broke, the sound dying.

"Millicent."

Sterling was at my side, looking me over with haste. I was achy, my memories foggy until I remembered what happened. My hand instinctively reached up, touching the mark that was on my skin, tingles erupting from the touch. I grimaced, letting my hand fall onto the bed, tears filling my eyes.

I couldn't look at him, I couldn't believe I gave him permission to-

"Millicent, please look at me." He begged. I couldn't, I can't. His hand touched my face, my body igniting under his touch, the mark successful in doing its job. He knows I can hurt him, I have before, but now, the thought of it. . . I feel like he took something from me, something I'll never get back, it broke my heart in a way I'll never understand. It isn't fair.

"I'm not free anymore," I say, closing my eyes, allowing the tears to fall freely.

"Hey, that is not true. That was never true." He told me, turning my face towards his. Tears shone in his own eyes, regret shining through, showing me just how sorry he was for everything that happened. "It was the only way to save you. I'll do anything you ask. You can move back into your apartment, you can go back to work, you can have anything you want. I won't bother you, I won't interfere." He told me quickly, desperate for my happiness, whatever that is at this point.

"That's the thing Sterling, I don't want to." His eyes were confused. "This mark, you. . . it's keeping me from wanting that. It's preventing me from making my own choices." I cried, sniffling and trying to take deep breaths. I tried to remember my training, but what was the point anymore?

"That's not how it works." He stated

"Isn't it?" I questioned, mad at him.

"No, Millicent, it isn't. You are free to do whatever you wish. The mark only links our emotions, our feelings for one another that was already there." He tells me.

"I had no feelings for you," I say, shaking my head.

"You did, Millicent. Don't lie. You just pushed them away like everything else." He said bluntly.

His words made me feel worse, I suddenly wanted him to hold me and I could tell he knew what I was thinking, but refrained from doing so. This isn't what I wanted.

"Just, please," He held my face in his hands, warmth flooding inside of me. "Tell me you'll be okay, not just physically, but mentally. Did I. . . did I break you?" He asked, his hurt washing over me.

Did he break me? You can't exactly break what's already broken.

I thought about it, long and hard, but shook my head, "No, Sterling, you didn't break me."

He sighed, relaxing, "Millicent, I'll do anything-"

"I know, you told me," I said, sitting up. He helped me though I didn't need it, I didn't need him- My thoughts stopped for a second, I did need him, my mind told me, but I simply pushed it away, confirming Sterling's words.

I pushed everything away, always. I was protecting myself like I usually did, trying to prevent anyone from looking inside and seeing the monster I truly am. I don't like being this way, but I've grown so used to it, I was blind to the truth, just like a human.

I couldn't take it anymore. Now that I'm marked, it no longer matters what happens. I'm stuck with Sterling, may as well reap the benefits. I grabbed his arms and he tensed, thinking I was going to break him and he simply would have allowed it but that's not what I was doing.