Being the son of a businessman isn't easy, and Ji Nan knows that to well. So when he was forced to move he made sure to not let anyone know about his fathers income. He even made sure not to let anyone get to know him, but when he is tasked with tut...
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I don't know how long we sat in that position but when he finally unwrapped his arms from around me the movie that was once in the beginning was running it's credits. Neither of us said anything as we both looked at the floor. The atmosphere was quite strange because it wasn't awkward but it wasn't how it usually was. I would say that it more uncomfortable than anything else. I did it again.
I glanced over at Ba Wei to see that he was staring right at me. My heart skipped a beat as our eyes met. I diverted my eyes as fast as they had laid on him. I thought he would laugh but he didn't. Instead I felt his hand touch my head. I raised an eyebrow at this but didn't try to stop him.
"Do you feel better?"
I was taken off guard by that question because in truth I wasn't. I was in pain, my heart stung still but I would be fine with a good nights sleep. Telling him wouldn't make a difference in what I felt so why tell him.
"En."
"Look at me and say that."
His voice was cold and because of that it sent shivers down my spine. Although his tone was dark It didn't sway my mind. I wouldn't tell him the truth, and I would make sure he wouldn't see through it.
I looked up at him, "I'm fine okay."
As our eyes met I almost let out a gasp at the sight of emotion his usually lifeless eyes. I had never seen such strong emotion come from him. I shifted my eyes and looked him over. Nothing seemed to be wrong but if I read the emotion in his eyes correctly he definitely was upset about something. It wasn't anger but more of frustration. Was he frustrated with me? Did I annoy him that much?
"Sorry," I said low. I didn't think he heard me but when he let out a huh I knew he had. I didn't say anything and that just made him even more confused.
"Did you just apologize?" I didn't say anything, and I could feel his eyes on me. "Why?" I stayed quiet and kept my eyes on the floor. I didn't feel like getting into another emotional conversation with him. I had humiliated myself enough for today. Plus I had ruined the mood once again. Why couldn't I just control my fucking emotions. It's frustrating to even have to feel them already.
"I don't know. It just came out."
He let out a laugh, "look I don't know what is going on in that head of yours but it's fine."
"I never-"
"I know you didn't say it," he said cutting me off, "but I can tell. Look at me."
I let out a sigh and turned my eyes to him. Although my eyes were on him he didn't utter a word until our eyes met. I raised an eyebrow at this because as I scanned his eyes they were cold once more.
"I can trust you can't I?" I nodded, "If I can trust you then can you trust me?"
"I-"
"Don't say you do because I know for a fact that if I asked you what you were thinking about you would have lied to me."
I wanted so bad to break eye contact with him but I couldn't. It was something about his gaze that kept me there. I didn't know what to say because he wasn't wrong. I would've lied about it but not for the reason he probably thought. I just didn't want to make him comfort me again. It made me feel uncomfortable, weak, and vulnerable.
I opened my mouth to say something only to close it as nothing came out. It wasn't like I didn't trust him. I trusted him somewhat, more than most people but I didn't trust him fully. We'd only known each other for almost two months and the most I'd shared with him was all my emotions. It's not like he told me a lot about him either. The only thing I knew about him was probably what everyone else knew.
"See you can't even say you trust me."
I let out a sigh, "I do trust you. There are just things that I can't tell you."
"Why?"
"Because I know you'll hate me afterwards."
His eyes softened, "I wouldn't hate you."
It was a lie. He would definitely hate me. Even my father felt resentment for making him clean up such a large mess before we moved. Hell that mess was the reason we moved in the first place. I should feel guilty but I didn't feel anything. Since even before that day I felt nothing. I didn't care, but seeing the look of horror on my fathers face when he came and got me from the police station. The disappointment on his face when we sat down together to talk about what happened. Even then he still chose to protect me. Protect me when I didn't want him to.
"Yeah they said that too. Look where they lead me."
Ba Wei shifted his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "It's fine if they did. The difference between me and them is that I'm not leaving. I'm stuck on you whether you like it or not. Kind of like a leech."
I let out a soft chuckle, "You like me that much?"
He nodded, "Yeah, so don't try to run away."
Although his words were playful they also were heavy. He meant them, and even though I should be afraid I felt content. I didn't want to run away from him. I didn't want to run away from the feelings he brought. I didn't want to try to protect myself anymore. How more hurt could I become. How more numb could I become now. I already had no one so what could it hurt to let someone in. What else could I loose.
