What am I to you? // Corpse Husband

17. Logic

Saturday 6.33pm

It has nearly been three weeks since I last saw him.

I haven't heard from him... at all. I'm worried. The more I wait and the more I worry.

I'm tempted to check his alter ego's social media but I'm not sure I should. What if I see that he's absolutely fine without me? How will I feel? I guess I'll be reassured but I'll also be heartbroken.

I'm doing it. I don't care anymore. I need to know he's okay.

Looking at his Twitter account, I see that he has been active in the last week, although nothing showing a particular upbeat behaviour, only a few emojis. But he's active. He's alive. He can use his hands. Reassured, I still feel like a stalker and suddenly get shivers before I throw my phone on my bed, disappointed by my crazy ex-girlfriend behaviour.

So he's alive... and he's not tried to get in touch. It's fine... I'm fine...

I'm not fine.

I grab my stuff, annoyed, and leave my apartment. The late afternoon is pleasant, a light breeze caressing my face softly, as lightly as his touch. Why the fuck does everything makes me think about him?!? Aaaargh!

If he has moved on, why can't I? I guess he has not freed me yet. I told him he should let me know when he had decided if he wanted me in his life, so I'm the one waiting like a fucking idiot, because I can't turn the page on him without knowing if he needs me... if he wants me.

Am I being too impatient? Three weeks is not that long. But when you think about someone every time your mind is free, every time something reminds you of him, it feels like an eternity.

"Mina!" Seven's voice takes me out of my thoughts. I look around and didn't realise I already arrived at our rendezvous point.

"Hey." I force a smile.

"What is it? You've got your sad face on." He asks, greeting me with a friendly hug.

He's such a sweet guy.

"I'm alright! Let's join the others."

Over drinks and tapas, we talk about our week. His friends have welcomed me with open arms and I do enjoy their company. I mostly enjoy having someone to torment and accomplices to do so.

Although, they kindly put me in the same anime obsessed basket as Seven, reassured he now has a buddy to hang out with.

Across the table, I often see him staring at me. I can tell he is pleased that I get on well with his friends but there is more in that stare. It was already there when I first accepted to hang out. Was I stupid or just selfish? I wanted distraction from my struggle. I was sure I made it clear nothing would happen, but I still let him in slowly, maybe giving the false impression I wanted more too.

I know he would be perfect, easy, and I know I am craving human touch, being held, kissed, wanted but regardless of how attractive I find him, my heart is still taken... Is it? How long should I wait for someone who might not actually want me anymore?

After a lovely evening, we all go back to my place for coffee as I live the closest. With music in the background, sat around my coffee table, we play a couple of card games and, close to midnight, they all slowly leave one after the other until it's just me and Seven.

I have a feeling as I see him looking at me shyly. I know he has been respectful and kept his distance and all but I know tonight he will make his intentions clear. I can feel it. With that knowledge, I feel exhilarated and anxious at the same time. There is something in the air that makes me uneasy.