Eva's Journal

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

I shook my head at Anna.

"No. No, I can't be." My mind started to whirlwind with the possibilities that I was carrying a child in me. I got up but immediately had trouble supporting myself and fell back onto the bed.

I heard voices talking but nothing was making sense to me. I couldn't be a mother. I breathed deeply and turned to look at Anna and my mother. She was dressed ready for the journey to Sceneria. I smiled that she was coming with me.

"Eva, sweetheart. I can test to see if you're with child. It won't hurt." I nodded and Anna went to lock the door assuring no one would disturb us. I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes.

Agatha used her magic speaking again in Latin, "Fructus portantes vacuos nec sine frutu." [fruit bearing or unfruitful]

I felt as her magic checked my womb. I sighed feeling a tear slide across my cheek like a water droplet on a leaf. I heard my mother mumble something to Anna as her magic left my body.

"Well?" I opened my eyes and sat up slowly, holding my stomach.

"You aren't pregnant, Eva." Agatha said and I sighed in relief. one day maybe having children would be the right thing to do but for right now, it wasn't something I would be able to cope with.

"Well, that is a relief. I don't know what I would have done with a child." Agatha sat next to me taking my hands in hers.

"Eva, you're barren. I'm not sure why yet but you will never be able to have a child. I think it may have something to do with your half-witch, half-human blood. I am so sorry my darling."

I wanted to scream and shout. I wanted to deny it all. I wanted to unhear those words.

I didn't do anything. instead, I fell to the floor and wept silent tears. they fell from my face hitting the wooden floor below. Agatha and Anna held onto me but I didn't feel their comfort. I felt alone.

"It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah." I whispered as I kept on crying.

I was put into my bed as my world became dark and cold. every justification came back to the word "barren". I had no place in this world if I could not bear a child. I felt as though I was mourning all over again. my heart was filled with grief and my head with despair. I was broken. I didn't know if I could fix myself this time.

I sat for hours watching as the day became night, not bothering to close the curtains or change for bed. I didn't eat. I just laid there wishing for the world to end.

"It's too much, okay? Take away the pain, please." I begged aloud. I hoped anyone would listen. I couldn't find the strength to carry on.

****

Anna's view

As Eva collapsed on the ground, I felt her pain surge through me. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Her grief was close to when I lost my mother, in a different way, and my chest felt heavy. I held her as she cried and it broke my heart.

"Let's get you into bed, Eva." I said delicately before lifting her into the bed. Her face was expressionless. I looked at Agatha who hated seeing her daughter in pain. We left Eva alone but I continued to feel her pain. Agatha stayed behind a little while longer before joining me in the hall.

The night settled in fast and Eva was still in so much agony. I kept crying trying to conceal my pain from Agatha, who kept an eye on me as she knew if anything changed, I would feel it. I was fighting the bond between us trying to push away the pain. It was draining.

"It's not getting better, Agatha. I need to help her." I wept out letting the feeling flood into me, losing the strength to keep it at bay any longer.

She picked me up and practically dragged me to Eva's door. I used the door handle to pull myself up and walked into the room where Eva was stood on the balcony. She was stood facing the room, with her eyes closed.

"Eva, no!" I screamed loudly and ran to her. I pulled her off the balcony and held her as we cried together.

"I just want the pain to stop." I nodded holding her in my arms on the floor. She was shaking all over.

"I know. I know. You're okay, Eva." I whispered.

"I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster, Eva. You are beautiful inside and out. This doesn't change anything, okay?" She wept and nodded as I clutched onto her, thinking she may disappear if I let go.

That night, we slept in the bed together. I wouldn't leave her side for anything and right now, Eva needed me. She didn't sleep much and kept tossing and turning trying to push down the nightmares.

In the early hours of the morning, Agatha came in and sat by her daughter, holding a damp towel to her forehead.

Eva spoke quietly, "What will Atlas say?"

Agatha spoke clearly, "He is your soulmate. He will forever love you, Eva, for you are his balance." I watched her smile for the first time in the last day.

Eva shut her eyes and drifted off. She slept free of the nightmares and I felt the pain lift from my chest as her pained lessened. It would take a while before her pain would go, if at all. But she was strong.