Evan "Buck" Buckley-Nash

11. Michael

As time progressed the family grew stronger. Family photos were taken and hung around the home and in work offices. Christmas cards were sent and the family was happy together.

Buck was still going to therapy even after 2 years of living in the home with his now referred to Mom and Dad, Athena and Bobby. He still had emotional problems that the therapist had told the adults that it will likely last throughout his life, telling them about how emotional neglect and abuse as a child mold individuals into who they become and Buck has dug himself as far as he could out of the hole, but he was still trapped inside.

When his 11th birthday hit, he was having a bad day. He wasn't sure why he woke up feeling like the biggest disappointment in the entire world, but he did. He cried in his bed alone for over an hour wanting the lingering fuzzy feeling of loneliness and fear to leave him.

When he was hugged and given birthday wishes he felt like he still wasn't all there. He wasn't sure why he was crying again, but it concerned his parents as they sat him on the couch.

"What's wrong Buck?" His Dad asked him.

The boy shrugged. "I feel bad." His voice was shaky and his hands slightly trembled.

"Like sick baby?" Athena questioned with worry placing her hand on the child forehead to check for a fever.

"No like bad. Like gone."

"Gone?" Bobby said to himself trying to understand what the boy meant.

Buck felt incomplete, something was wrong and he felt like he wasn't existing anymore.

"I don't like it. I feel bad." He started breathing heavier. Bobby put the boys head between his legs.

"You're panicking close your eyes and take some deep breaths in time with me. 1...2..3" Bobby coaxed his son through his panic attack. "Do you feel better?"

Buck nodded humiliated.

"Did you have a bad dream last night Buckaroo?" Athena asked him to which the boy nodded honestly. "You know your dreams will never be real right?"

"I know." He said back sadly.

The adults glanced at one another. "That's 3 this week, do you know why?" Bobby asked gently.

"No." The boy began crying. "I just keep seeing the fire." The boy began scratching at his burn scars on his arms. "I keep watching people die."

"What people?" Athena asked gently taking his hands and squeezing them to prevent the scratching.

The boy looked more distressed. "It used to be my birth parents, now it's you guys and my friends, and I can never save anyone. You always burn and I can't stop it."

"Is this why you've been extra clingy in the mornings? You dreamed we died?"

The boy turned his head away. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

~~

Athena and Bobby started hitting a rough patch. She wanted more kids, Bobby was content. He also didn't want to stress his son anymore, he was still struggling, and keeping secrets.

"Bobby I'm not saying we need to have the kids together, we could adopt or find a surrogate if you're not wanting biological kids again." She said to him trying to show him there was more options.

"I just don't know Athena." His voice held stress in it. "As much as I love Buck, I really don't want such a stressful repeat."

"So we don't adopt older kids." Bobby huffed as he got into bed. "Can we just think about it for a bit?"

"How longs a bit?" She pushed making Bobby give her a dirty look.

"Just a few days I guess? I don't know how long it will take for me to decide if I'm interested for the long run of having more than just Evan on our hands."

After a few days Athena asked Bobby again and he said he wasn't ready yet. She sighed but let him be for another week until he asked her questions. She planted the idea of having a baby in the house and now he was starting to really consider it.

"If we did a surrogate, what are you looking for?" Athena who was washing dishes after tucking Evan into bed turned around a slight smile on her face. "I mean somebody you or we know? Somebody random we never meet and never learn about?"

"Well I was thinking, I have a contractor friend I used to date." Bobby got uneasy. "Before you give me that face, the man came out and told me he was gay after a year and a half. He always told me he wanted a family."

"So he'd stay in the baby's life? In our lives?" Bobby wasn't trying to say he didn't like the idea, he just needed a clear understanding.

Athena responded with a nod. "Personally I think that's only fair. If Evan never knew his parents and they hadn't died, he'd wonder who they were. And he's a great guy."

"Can we talk and meet with him first?"

Athena smiled. "Yes of course. I'd never bring somebody into our relationship like that without letting you meet him."

~~~

Bobby and Michael met a few weeks after. He sat at the table outside on the porch speaking with Athena when Bobby brought his son home from school.

Evan ran outside to hug his Mom before even seeing the other man. Athena hugged her boy and then Evan froze up.

"Hi." He said shyly to the man as Bobby made his way outside.

"Hey there. You must be the famous Buck I keep hearing about." The man said and stood up to shake Bobby's hand. "Hi, I'm Michael."

"Bobby, good to meet you." He shook the mans hand and sat down next to Athena as Evan took his book bag off and found a ball and started kicking it around.

"Likewise."

"Michael and I were just speaking about what a surrogate pregnancy and life would look like."

"As long as I could be a real part of the kids lives, I'm willing, wanting to do this."

Bobby nodded and looked behind them so see Evan running around. "Do you want to be considered the dad?"

"Bobby." Athena said upset with his question.

"Oh what? It's a real question. I need to know my place in this as much as he does. If this is technically going to be your child together. I'm the one without any say in this legally."

Athena was about to say something back but Michael stopped her. "I'm not here to make your relationship unstable. I'm here because as much as you want another kid, I want one. I do want to be considered a Dad in this, and you can be too. Lots of kids have more than one dad."

"Now there's only one person we need to wait to make sure this is okay with." Athena said and Michael and Bobby both looked at her confused. "Buck."