The Choice (a Painful Past)

74

I would say yes, for now, but that didn't mean that we had to get married right now. We could always talk about that later.

I nodded and smiled as brightly as I could at him.

"Yes?" He asked, with his lips curving into an even brighter smile.

"Yes." I replied, laughing a little.

"Oh God." He exclaimed, as he jumped up and threw his arms around me. "I thought you were going to say no for a minute there. That was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life."

I giggled and pulled back from him. "Well?" I asked, as I dangled my hand in front of his face.

"OH! Oh shit!" He exclaimed.

He fell back to his knees and pulled the ring out of the box. His hands were steady, but mine were shaking like a leaf.

"Not nervous, are you?" He laughed, as he slid the pretty ring onto my finger.

"A little." I lied.

I was more than nervous. I was still terrified, but I was going to handle it the way I handled everything. Avoid it, until I couldn't.

He got up and sat down beside me, then laced his fingers through the hand with the ring on it. He just sat there and stared at it for a few moments, with a small smile on his lips.

"Do you like it?" He asked. "There were so many to choose from, but this one just seemed so...I don't know. You, I guess."

"It's perfect." I replied.

And it was. Not because of the way it looked, but because of what it symbolized. Our love.

So, while I wasn't really ready to get married, I could make the promise to love only Will. That's what this ring symbolized to me.

The next few weeks were a complete blur, so I didn't have a chance to bring up the topic again. My mother called me the next day, with instructions on what I would have to do to gain custody of Ben. It wasn't as complicated as I thought it would be, due to the fact that my niece signed him over to me.

I didn't have to jump through the usual hoops that was required to foster or adopt a child. The Department of Family and Children Services did have to come check our home, do background checks, and things like that, so I made sure that all of the weed paraphernalia, and even any alcohol, was out of the house. My home wasn't big, and my mother's and brother's rooms were still waiting for them to come home, but we did have one small room available.

We had been using it as a storage room for holiday decorations, seasonal clothes, and anything else that we didn't want to get rid of, but had no clue where to put it. I took a couple of days off of work, so that I could get it ready for Ben. I had hoped to have a little help on the weekends, when Will was home.

Instead, he slept late Saturday morning, then helped me for a couple of hours, then decided to call Dusty over to smoke and drink a little.

"Why don't you come smoke with us?" He asked, before he walked outside.

I shook my head.

"No, thanks." I replied. "I really want to get this finished, and I will turn into a lazy bum, if I smoke."

He laughed. "Okay then. I'll help out more tomorrow, okay? Is that cool?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course. Have fun." I said, then gave him a quick kiss.

I was excited to decorate Ben's room. I knew that he was into Bakugan, anime, COD, and Final Fantasy. I had already gotten posters, shelves, a dresser, and I had even shoved my old twin bed into the room.

The only thing left to do was to clean out the closet and then put Ben's stuff in here. I would pick that up later, from my brother. Will helped me the next day and we managed to pretty much get it all finished.

When I saw the final product, with it's blue walls and cream trim, to the posters on the walls, and the PlayStation already set up, with a huge stack of games beside...I was happy. Nervous as shit, but happy.

On Wednesday, the day we were supposed to get Ben, I was sitting at the courthouse, after already having to sit at the Department of Family and Children Services for a couple of hours. This was annoying, time consuming, and basically here just to make you go crazy. Being there alone didn't really help either, but Will had to work, so I understood.

They had let him sign his paperwork, using me as a witness, instead of the usual court appointed or DEFAX employee. I held onto the excitement that I had from knowing that I was getting this amazing kid. I prayed to God that I wouldn't screw him up anymore than he already had been.

I was determined to give him a better life. Maybe I couldn't buy him Air Jordan's, like his drug dealing mother, but I could provide him with a warm, loving, safe home.

Finally, after what felt like days of sitting at the courthouse, the t's were crossed and i's were dotted. I signed my name quickly, one last time, at the bottom of the last page of paperwork, and felt the largest smile cross my face. We were finished.

The case worker laughed a little at how jumpy and excited I was.

"I can tell you love him. I'm thankful that you are willing to take him. Kid's his age don't usually get chosen at a home and I don't know when his mother will be out of jail." She said, patting my arm.

"I'm just excited to take him home." I replied, smiling back.

"Then let's get him for you. His grandfather is in the back with him. I'll send them out and you can take him home. Your TANF card should arrive in the mail within the week, so that you'll have some financial help." She replied.

I watched her walk to the back, while I sat and thought about what was actually happening. I was a mother now. Kind of, anyway.

I had to worry about more than myself. Ben had to be the most important thing in my life right now. He deserved to be that for someone.

I waited impatiently, keeping my eyes on the door that I knew he would walk out from. Then there he was. My brother exited first, holding onto the little boy's hand.

His blonde hair hung in his clear blue eyes, over his black rimmed glasses. His face looked sad and troubled, but they lit up when he saw me.

"Aunt Cal!" He exclaimed.

He pulled his hand from Charles' and darted towards me.