The Choice (a Painful Past)

169

Anxiety tried to rear its ugly head again, but I somehow managed to swallow it down.

"But where will I sleep?" I asked, hesitantly.

"In my bed." He replied, gruffly. "I'll sleep on the floor, if you're uncomfortable sharing it. Whatever you want." We fell silent again for a few minutes, before I started giggling. "What? What's so funny?" He asked, with a little humor in his tone.

"This," I giggled. "Will wants to call me a whore and now, here I am spending the night in a motel room with 3 guys." My giggling turned into full blown laughter.

When I laughed, like really laughed, no sound escaped except this high-pitched noise from me sucking in a breath. My entire body shook with the force of it, while these noises escaped my lips and tears streamed down my face, yet again. These were good tears though.

The situation wasn't even that funny, but my body needed some sort of relief from the tension, I guess.

"Callie, that's not funny." Colby said, but I could hear him start to chuckle.

I couldn't even answer him. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was silently shake with laughter, while he held me.

"Ow, ow, oh God, my ribs." I gasped, when it started to fade.

"Feel better?" He asked, with a short chortle of laughter.

"Actually, I do." I replied, smiling to myself. "Thanks for listening to all my bullshit."

"Anytime, Cal." He whispered, as he hugged me to him. "Anytime."

I hadn't realized just how much I missed having him in my life. Colby was, and always had been, my rock. I had just lost him for a short while.

No, that wasn't right. I had lost myself. I still didn't have a clue who I was, or if I would ever figure that out, but I knew that he was supposed to be part of my life.

He would always be my best friend, no matter how far apart we lived.

"Do you think we'll stay in touch? After you leave, I mean." I pondered, as I started playing with a large, bulky lion ring that was on his hand.

"Yes." He replied, immediately. "From now on, always. You won't be able to get rid of me."

I smiled again and settled back into his chest a little more. There were no implications that either of us expected anything more than what we were already giving. He was giving me comfort, safety, and a sense of friendship that I hadn't felt since he left.

I loved Denise and Sherri, but my relationship with them was different. Somehow, my friendship with Colby ran deeper. On another level, or something.

"Colby." I whispered, turning my head, so that his cheek was on my forehead.

"Yeah?" He murmured.

"My ass hurts. I think we should go inside." I replied.

He chuckled and nodded his head.

"Okay." He agreed.

His lips briefly touched my forehead, so fast that I wasn't even sure it happened. Then, he was pushing me forwards a little, so that he could get up. When he held his hand out to me, my heart warmed a little, soothing the pain that was still inside of me.

I guess that the difference was between a so-called romantic relationship and an amazing friendship.

I lay my palm in his and he pulled me to my feet.

"Whoops!" I exclaimed, when I pitched forward into him.

His warm hands caught me around the waist and steadied me.

"Sorry." I giggled. "I might still be kinda drunk."

"Not a problem." He murmured, staring into my eyes.

God, were his eyes always so blue? I had a vague memory of feeling like I was drowning in them on another drunken night. His gaze left mine and traveled down to my lips, then back to my eyes.

On reflex, my eyes dropped to his lips too. I wanted to kiss him again...but I shouldn't. I couldn't ruin this friendship, when I had just gotten it back.

It was too important to me.

He cleared his throat and glanced away from me.

"Are you steady?" He asked, huskily.

"Um, yeah, I think so." I squeaked out.

His hands dropped from my sides, taking their warmth with them. He turned, popped the key card into the door, and swung it open.

"After you." He said, motioning me through with his hand.

I swallowed and took the few steps through the door. I felt uncomfortable now, like I should go home. Something had happened out there.

I was going to back away before we could kiss, but when he did it, it felt cold and distant. I knew that it was probably all in my head, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

I sat down on the side of the bed that was closest to the wall and kicked my shoes off. I didn't even have anything to sleep in. Probably would've been better if I had just kept drinking until I passed out. I hated sleeping in jeans.

It took me a minute to register that Sam and Nate were still up, talking about something. I looked over and saw them both piled into Sam's bed, laughing at something that was playing on the TV. That was weird enough, especially since most people watched something on their phone or laptop.

"Shit." I muttered.

I had forgotten my phone outside. I stood slowly, assessing just how drunk my body still thought I was. After the initial spin, my brain slowed down.

I was pretty sure that I was okay.

I reached the door and placed my hand on the knob, when I heard Colby.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

I turned back and saw him coming out of the bathroom. I had been avoiding his eyes so much, that I hadn't even known that he left the room.

"Forgot my phone." I replied, then opened the door quickly and stepped outside.

The cool air hit my flushed face, causing me to close my eyes to enjoy it for just a moment. When I opened them, I saw my phone close to the edge of the balcony. It was lit up with notifications.

This late? My heart jumped to my throat and my blood ran cold. The only reason that someone would be trying to get in touch with me this late, was if something was wrong.

I froze, letting my anxiety take over.

Was it my Mom? Did she fall?

Was she in the hospital?

Did her heart go out?

Did a clot break free and hit her lungs?

What about Ben? Maybe it was Denise trying to reach me because he fell and hit his head or something.

I was finally able to break free of the overwhelming, debilitating feeling and snatch my phone up from the ground. It looked like I had been getting notifications off and on for a few hours.

Was I really so drunk that I didn't notice my phone lighting up like a damn Christmas tree? I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that none of the notifs were from Mom or Denise.

Then my chest tightened, when I saw that they were all from Will. Calls and texts, back-to-back. Dread filled my stomach, making it clench, painfully.

I knew that I should just ignore them, or maybe delete them without even reading them...but I couldn't. I had to know.