They Know The End

Russell

8:26 pm

After what seemed like a long story by Matt, we had to get off the car because we arrived at a bus station.

"You guys are amazing!" Tom exclaimed in awe. "Thanks for the inspiration."

"No problem," Matt said. I never knew another person who was super polite like him. Unlike Sasha's, his words of gratitude radiated simplicity and care. It was rare to find people in this world whose words and acts of kindness were laced with shady dealings and corrupt ideals.

"We're going to miss you!" Cal shouted at us. "Sasha, you have our numbers right?"

She checked her phone. "Yeah."

"Nice. Shoot us a message when you get home."

Right. That sucker-punched me back to reality. I saw Matt's smile falter when he made the same realization.

Out of the three of us, only Sasha was making it home tonight. From Matt's phone, there were about three hours left until midnight. Until another round of Death-Cast calls were issued.

Until another round of people died.

Filled with melancholy, I watched as the car took off. We then turned to the bus station and looked for a bus that took us back to SM Seaside.

As we walked to the bus, Matt took my hand and squeezed it again.

"Guys. . ." Sasha called. We stopped and turned to her. There was a sad look on her face.

"What is it?" Matt asked her.

"I think I have to take a direct bus to the park. And it doesn't arrive until later." She took a deep breath. "I guess. . .this is goodbye."

The words sunk in and suddenly it was just the three of us, surrounded by silence.

Matt let go of me and hugged Sasha. It lasted for a long, long time. There were tears on her face.

Her voice broke. "I'm gonna miss you. You--you are one of the best--shit no. You're the best person I've met. I love you and I'm going to miss you, Matt."

"I'm gonna miss you too," I heard him reply. It sounded solemn and calm, as if he had already made up his mind. "I love you."

I wiped a tear from my eye and tried to suppress my swelling heart. I took Sasha's words to Matt as if they were said to me too. Nobody had ever said that to me. No one except Matt.

They parted and they were looking at me. Sasha gave me a smile. "C'mere!"

I joined in their group hug. I felt my tears falling in silence. With the two of them, I felt like I was surrounded by love. I never knew that I was hungry for it until I broke down quietly.

We stayed like that for minutes. No one moved.

After that, we had to let go. Because time moved without mercy or regret for those who tried to stay in one place. We had to keep moving.

"You should go," I said softly, clearing my throat.

"Yeah," Matt agreed.

She nodded and took a few slow steps away from us. Then, they became persistent. And we watched her vanish from our view.

A pang of pain made my heart ache. It felt like I was losing an amazing friend.

Who am I kidding? I thought. She is an amazing friend.

"We should go," I said to Matt. He nodded and we got in our own bus en route to the mall.

We were silent as the bus took off.

-

"You know, I get it now," I said to Matt, which made him turn to me.

"You got what?" He sounded not in the mood for any games.

"That you want to live the best life possible. . .and want others to know about it."

He huffed. "It's my weakness, I suppose."

"Hey," I said gently. "Some words of advice? Fame is not always good for you. Look at my mom. After being famous, she was manipulated and abused by her family and 'her coworkers', if you will. She went from the one of the biggest chefs in the Philippines to a person living in a shed."

I placed a hand on his lap. "I get that you want the world to know who you are before you die. But. . .aside from the fact we're running out of time--"

He chuckled at that thought.

"--it's not easy. From what I know, my mom had to literally fight and strangle people to earn some fame. She had to crush others in the competition and deal with some mental toll on the side. And even after she garnered stardom, she never felt fully satisfied.

"Thing is, it's not just you. It's not just you fighting for what you want. There will be others fighting for the top. That's how it works. I literally had to fight people to survive in the slums.

"Anyway, wh--what I'm trying to say is that maybe you could try being famous to one person or a few people, instead of just strangers. Because if it were with a crowd, they'll mention your name a couple times but they'll forget. At least, with a few people, you'll be held high because they'll remember you better.

"Like me and Sasha. They'll remember you very well. You're famous to them. And that's enough."

"Those weren't just a few words," he replied, stifling a laugh. "But thank you. Now I just want to return the favor."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I want to give you some advice too, since we're having free therapy."

I took a deep breath. "Okay. Hit me."

He sat up straight. Oh this is going to be good, I thought to myself.

"God, I have to emphasize this enough. You're not worthless. Just because there's someone else with us doesn't mean that you're automatically not the best person to have around. Sometimes, it's good to have others with you."

"How long have you known?"

"Ever since you met Sasha. You've always been awfully quiet."

I smirked a bit. "Glad you noticed."

"I'm not done," he scolded gently. "It's not just that. I know you haven't had the best life, but you shouldn't be too excited about ending it all. There are still people who value your existence, even if they don't show it or not. Like, even if your mother screams at you. . .she loves you, in a way."

I felt like an instrument played right by a musician. It felt satisfying that someone understood. That someone understood without shaming me for it.

"Thank you," I said. "I needed to hear that."

"It's what I do," he confessed.

Then, the bus was filled with silence after that. I didn't even realize that there were a lot of people in it. They were probably listening in on our sob stories.

I immediately felt embarrassed thinking about it that my ears turned red.

"You okay?" Matt asked me.

"I'm fine."

He still held and squeezed my hand.

After a while, I saw a glimpse of the mall ahead of us. The place where we met the first time. Even if we didn't spend that much time together, I felt like I met a new friend.

Which begged the question.

I turned to him. "Ano naman tayo?" I remembered hearing the question from a show, down to the exact intonation.

What are we?

He was deep in thought. After a few seconds, he just smiled warmly at me. A thousand times he did that and it felt new and real every single time.

"Boyfriends," he replied. "We're boyfriends."