They Know The End

Matt

10:43 pm

I kept comforting myself, knowing that his death was inevitable. Death-Cast had already marked him for execution. I shouldn't be crying like this, right?

But somehow, it didn't help. It only made things worse.

I couldn't remember what happened after we fought his former gang. It felt like a certain rage overcoming me and I fought back like a threatened cat.

I held my own in that battle, but when they managed to disarm me from my heavy bag, it didn't take long before they were onto me.

In retrospect, I guess it was a primal feeling. A survival tactic ingrained into our heads when we were still new to this planet.

It got even worse when I saw Russell got stabbed.

In rage, I crushed the foot of one and kicked the balls of the other before I could save him from his losing blood.

But my parents took too long to arrive.

"Oh my god," my mom said when she saw him.

"Help him!" I screamed with mixed emotions.

"Carry him," she said quickly. "We're going to bring him to the hospital."

I did as she said, but it was pretty much too late. The ER confirmed it for us, even if I knew that he couldn't be saved.

Because the words he said were dying words.

Now, I sat in the car with my dad. I didn't know what to feel. It felt like my soul was ripped from my body.

I didn't feel like crying. I didn't feel like breaking down. I didn't feel mad at anything either.

I just felt numb.

But my heart was trying to burst from emotion. Maybe I wasn't trying to break down in front of my dad.

"Hey," he said. "I'm sorry for your loss."

I didn't say anything. My mouth was stuck in a perpetual frown.

Then, my mom opened the car door and sat on the shotgun seat, beside my dad. She was awfully silent too.

She turned to me, a sad smile on her face. "Anything you want to do, honey?"

I didn't meet her gaze. I just sighed and said, "Let's just go home."

-

We arrived home. I took a good shower.

There, I weeped.

I was alone. No one would see me.

And even if they did, they wouldn't be able to differentiate the water from the tears.

-

I wiped myself in my room and changed myself into better clothes. But I shook my head when I took out my usual clothes. I needed something to commemorate Russell's. . .passing.

So, I snuck into my mother's room and snooped around her closet. Unlike mine, her room was always clean and orderly. I liked it that way for mine too, except I never really got the chance to clean it.

And I definitely wouldn't be able to clean it again.

I found a black dress that suited me so I put that on. I looked in the mirror and struck a pose. I was pretty good. Satisfied, I faced the stairs leading to the living room.