glow•° || skz || nonbinary Felix ff

Chan's room•°

I didn't sleep at all this night.

I tossed and turned, trying to get my head to shut up.

Occasionally I would cry again.

At practice the next day, I was a zombie.

I couldn't concentrate.

I failed the easiest dance steps - and all the other ones too.

My gaze always found myself in the huge mirrors on the wall.

A mean little voice in my head hissed:

Who are you?

No, what are you?

All the time.

The others must have noticed that something was up.

They didn't ask though. Maybe they also noticed that I wasn't ready to talk about it.

The day dragged on, I felt terrible.

I was glad that we didn't have a fanmeet or concert today. I wouldn't want stays to see me like this.

Finally, it was evening.

I wanted to lay down in my bed and sleep for the next three days. But I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep with that much on my mind.

I needed to talk to someone.

I wandered mindlessly through our dorm and found myself infront of the door to Chan's room (hehe).

I knocked.

'Yeah?'

Inside, the room was just dimly lit. Chan sat in front of his laptop working on a new song - what else?

He looked up at my entrance and a small smile spread on his lips. 'Hey Felix. Come on in.'

I closed the door behind me and slumped down on his bed. I took one of his pillows, hugging it tightly to my chest.

Chan watched me.

'What can I do for you?' he asked softly.

I shrugged. 'I just wanna talk, I think.'

He nodded. 'That's good. Let me just finish this quickly'

He tapped on his laptop for a few more minutes, then turned it off and put it away.

I could tell he knew that something serious was up. Chan almost never turned off his laptop.

He came over, sitting down next to me on his bed.

And waited.

We looked at each other.

I knew it was my idea to come and talk to him, which included, well, talking, but I couldn't get myself to speak yet.

'Are you in love?' He asked out of the blue.

'What? No.'

I frowned at him. He shrugged. 'Then it can't be that bad, can it?'

'You have no idea.'

He chuckled warmly.

Silence.

'Felix, please talk to me. I see that something is wrong. You were completely absent the whole day.'

That was an understatement.

I sighed.

'I talked to a stay in the USA about a week ago. They told me they were non binary and ... I don't know, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Do you know what it means?'