Mess To Be Made

21

"Hey, you doing okay?"

I managed to withhold my cough on my exhale as I handed the joint back to him.

Cory had always been honest and forthcoming with me, but for some reason I wasn't expecting for him—for anyone—to ask me if I was okay.

The thing was I wasn't sure how to answer the question. I wasn't not okay. But I wasn't sure I was okay either.

"I'm fine," is what I decided on.

"You sure?" he pressed, exhaling his smoke before handing the joint back to me. "Because this is the fourth day in a row you've asked to smoke during lunch."

Cory knew I wasn't a big smoker. So, it's no wonder that he was suspicious now that our first week back at school after Winter Break, I had asked every day so far if we could smoke.

Lindsay and Rachel noticed it too when, after finishing our lunches and going to socialize in the parking lot like we usually do, I excused myself instead to go hang out with Cory.

"Are you guys hooking up?" Rachel finally asked me today with narrowed eyes.

I had to suppress my laugh. If only they knew. At least I could be honest, though, when I said I was just going to see him so we could smoke.

Lindsay was more concerned by this than the hooking up aspect. "Is that a good idea, Al? I mean, since when do you smoke?"

"I don't," I replied easily because that's what I always said. Because it was the truth. I wasn't a big smoker. But, with my recent habits, maybe that changed.

Maybe I've changed. Things did seem different now. Everything seemed different.

Another fun topic that I was interrogated on was when Rachel asked what happened to me New Year's Eve on Monday morning. This was after we discussed how Liam officially asked Rachel to be exclusive with him.

"Not boyfriend, girlfriend," Rachel specified though. "We just agreed we're not going to be hooking up with anyone else."

This wasn't surprising in the slightest. Rachel, like myself, wasn't keen on the whole boyfriend idea. Lindsay on the other hand would kill for one. Which is why she was extremely giddy to share how she hooked up with Caleb New Year's Eve—the worst outcome I'd imagined. Apparently, though, he'd been texting her and had been nice. Maybe he just hated me, or sluts. He usually used the two words interchangeably.

"Chad kissed me. Sean freaked out." My voice sounded flat as I answered Rachel's question.

Sean had texted me five times over the weekend. Apologizing for how he acted. He knew he upset me. Rightfully so. I hadn't responded yet.

"How was the kiss?" Lindsay asked me with raised eyebrows. She knew, more than anyone, how much I'd fantasized about Chad over the years.

So when I shrugged and said, "It was fine," without any emotion, she was on high alert.

"Fine. Fine? You've wanted to kiss Chad Erickson since—I can't even remember when, and, seriously, fine is your takeaway?"

I glared at her. "I don't know, I didn't feel that, you know, that—"

The car door I was leaning against suddenly opened.

"Allie." Sean exhaled, a look of relief in his brown eyes. He then leaned into the car to peer at Rachel and Lindsay in the front seats. "Hi Rach, Linds. Can I steal her?"

They both said yes but he was already grabbing my backpack from the floorboard and ushering me out before I had the chance to answer for myself.

Once the door was shut, he began walking down Senior Row, my backpack slung over his shoulder. I easily caught up to him and barely ripped it off, seeing as he was much stronger and taller than me. And while I was successful in that feat, he used this opportunity to catch my arm, halting me and ensuring I couldn't run away.