Mess To Be Made

23

Have you ever felt like the world around you is just spinning?

I know, technically, the world spins. But when it spins around you. Like you're in the center of a whirlpool and everything around you is just spinning.

And spinning.

And spinning.

Well, I was spinning. The whole week I felt like I was spinning.

Lindsay apologized to me. I just smiled. I spun.

Sean asked what was wrong again. I just smiled. I spun.

Spencer asked me out on a date again. I just smiled. I spun.

I smoked every day at lunch with Cory. And for the afternoon, the spinning stopped. My mind stopped spinning. Everyone's voices stopped spinning. The noises stopped spinning.

Every time, I was naively hopeful that maybe it was permanent. Maybe the spinning had stopped for good. And every time, I was stupidly disappointed when the weed wore off, and the spinning returned.

I thought it would get better. It just got worse.

Landon's arm slung around me during sixth period on Friday. His breath fanning across my cheek. "I'm having a party tonight."

Rory overheard—though the word party to Rory is like the word walk to a dog—and naturally began squawking about how her and her friends had been preparing for this party all week. It was Landon's post-Winter Break party. It'd been postponed from last weekend because apparently his parents actually came home for a bit. Seemingly, for once.

"You coming, Al?" he asked under his breath.

My skin crawled and I spun again.

I just nodded.

I felt his nose against my ear. Heard him chuckle. Then I watched him walked away.

He ruined my afternoon stillness. Even weed couldn't cloak Landon's creepiness.

I was spinning again.

When I sat down in seventh, next to Scott, I was grasping for something, anything, to hold onto. "What are you and Tyler doing tonight?"

Scott stared at me, eyes wider than usual. "Uh."

Abort. "Never mind."

Scott nodded and looked back at his paper. That's all the indication I needed to know never to bring that topic up again.

I showered at Lindsay's and insisted on borrowing her clothes for the night. I didn't want to go back home. She didn't complain or question it.

I had finally finished pulling up the leather skirt that Rachel picked out for me with the white crop top Lindsay had put me in. Rachel was outside on the phone with Liam, so it was Linds and I alone in her room.

"So," she started cryptically.

I looked in the mirror, satisfied with my hair, makeup, and outfit, before turning on my heel and reaching for my bag. Looking for either the alcohol I had brought or the eighth of weed I'd bought off Cory.

"Sean's freaking out."

I stopped for a moment before continuing my search. I grumbled, "About what this time?"

Lindsay didn't seem amused. "You, obviously."

I couldn't help but snort, finding the fifth of vodka and pulling it out of my bag with a smile. Lindsay wouldn't want me smoking at her house. "You want to drink or not?"