Mess To Be Made

31

Tyler was already in his car when I arrived after the last bell rang. I felt nervous all afternoon about meeting up with him and it wasn't until the last 10 minutes of History that I realized why.

This was the first time Tyler invited me to do something, somewhere, with him. He asked me.

It was truly pitiful, seeing as the something was sitting in his car and the somewhere was our high school parking lot.

High stakes here.

I took a deep breath before walking up to the Suburban and opening the passenger door. We were both silent as I sat down and set my backpack on the floorboard.

He was listening to The Format. A song called Dead End. I bit my lip to suppress a smile, wondering if maybe he was playing it because he knew I was coming. "This is a good song."

"This a good album," he countered.

I nodded in agreement, but added, "Interventions + Lullabies is better though."

I finally glanced over at him and his eyes were slanted at me, though not in annoyance like usual. He almost looked playful. Instead of responding to my stance on their best album, however, he said, "So. What am I helping you with today, Princess."

I raised my eyebrows at him. He hadn't called me that in months. I did my best to ignore the fluttering in my stomach.

It royally sucked because for once he was playful, and for once I needed him to be serious. "I have a question."

His unusual liveliness dropped and in its place was his familiar blank stare.

"It's kind of personal."

He looked like he was holding in a sigh before he said, "Okay. Shoot."

It took a few moments before I was able to force the words out. "Does your dad know...that your mom, you know..."

His tilted his head slightly, but his face remained stoic. "Cheated?"

I nodded, rolling my lips into my mouth.

He looked out the windshield in front of him and I could see the light grey in his hazel eyes fade. "I think so."

Of all the answers I was expecting, I think so was not one of them. What was that supposed to mean? "So, you never told him?"

Tyler looked at me and one shoulder slid up to his ear before dropping again. A half-assed shrug. His answer was no but he didn't want to say it out loud.

Surprisingly, I could understand. Because it was the exact dilemma I was dealing with. If I chose his answer, if I chose no, I don't know if I'd like announcing that to anyone either. It meant that you were living with a lie. It meant you were looking your parent in the eye, and making a choice, every time, to keep them in the dark. It's not a good answer.

But yes wasn't a good answer either. Yes meant you broke your other parent's trust. Yes meant you chose to tear your own family apart.

I didn't realize I'd been silent and intently staring at a smudge on the windshield of Tyler's car until he said, very clearly in my direction, "Why do you ask?"

My eyes shifted to my lap and I played with the hem of my shorts. "My dad is coming home for my birthday."

Out of my periphery, I saw him nod. He understood, but I continued. "And I don't know if I can look at him and..."

Tyler nodded once again, and this time verbally let me know I didn't need to explain further. "I get it."

I felt a warm glow of relief grow in my chest. He got it. He got what I was going through, and he was going to give me my answer. "So?"