𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈𝐟 𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

CHAPTOR 05: ROSE

The next day, after Ryan left, I started looking in my closet to decide what to wear to the event but my mind wasn’t really focusing on the dresses placed on the bed. Instead, it went back to last night. Ryan’s hands on my shoulder, his eyes full of worry when I didn’t answer him, his tensed shoulders.

As much as he looked concerned, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking why was he so concerned? I mean, he’s the kind of guy he wouldn’t show any emotions no matter how concerned he was but last night…

Last night, it seemed like he was going to have a breakdown if I hadn’t answer him soon enough, it almost seemed like he put down all his armor. What if he really did? What if we end up being a real couple? What if…

I shook off my thoughts, I don’t want myself smiling over something that can’t happen. We’ve talked before and Ryan had made it loud and clear that he’s not interested in falling in love with anyone and he’s a man of his word.

I sighed and looked at the dresses placed on my bed. There were three dresses placed on my bed, all of them were silk and f light colored; green, sky blue and beige.
Not that it mattered what I was picking would be perfect because Ryan simply didn’t care what I would be wearing. He would compliment me on what I was wearing and that was very kind of him.

As I said, kind. He only compliments me as an act of kindness and because he’s my dear husband. He doesn’t look at me with soft or dreamy eyes to make me feel special or anything, he simply says that I look beautiful—

You look beautiful in everything you wear. I tensed up at the memory of his words. I shouldn’t be blushing on such a sentence but… but I can’t help it, his words were so sweet that no girl could help herself from blushing. This kind of act of his makes me regret what I said earlier and makes me hope that maybe, just maybe we’ll be a real couple but then again, I hate putting high expectations.

Why was I so concerned anyway? I didn’t like Ryan in a romantic way, he was nice looking and caring but we don’t have any other connections except the kind of electric wave that goes through my body whenever we lock eyes… but that doesn’t mean anything… right?

    -----♡-----

It was 5:30, I was sitting on my dresser—in my bath robe—applying makeup, the door was closed and Bree was on facetime with me.
“you already look so hot” Bree said, she was laying on her back, watching me get ready.

I chuckled and put down my mascara after applying it on my eye lashes “Thank you but I don’t want to look too dressed—inappropriate, if I say” Bree rolled her eyes at that

“please, you could never dress inappropriate” I smiled at that “so,” she started “do you think Ryan will take you dinner instead?” I paused half way of applying lipstick and looked at my phone screen

“what?” I blinked

“do you think Ryan used this ‘event’ as an excuse to ask you out?”

I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out, I closed my mouth and processed what Bree just suggested. Did he use it as an excuse? That can’t be true. Why after all these months would he want to take me on a date?—I’m thinking too much into this.

I shook my head before replying “No,” I placed away my lipstick and pressed my lips together “this isn’t an excuse, it’s really a business event. It’s not a date.” My reply seemed to disappoint her. Again, I’m used to it, as much as she wants me and Ryan to fall in love, she knows it won’t happen, can’t happen.

“you know,” she looked away from the screen, let out a sigh then looked back at me “you deserve to be loved,” a pause “and… knowing my brother won’t give you that, it honestly hurts me because you know you want to be in love but… you’re stuck with him”

I weakly smiled, looking down at my engagement ring—I know it wasn’t a sign of love but my engagement ring was a promise from Ryan that he’d take care of me just like he promised my dad… that didn’t include loving me and I agreed to it. I looked at the screen, smiling weakly.

“its okay, Bree. its okay that your brother doesn’t love me but he cares for me and honestly… that’s more than enough”
She sighed and lay her head back, I know she doesn’t believe me and honestly… I don’t think I believe myself…

We both stayed quiet for a minute—her staring at the ceiling of her bedroom me playing with my engagement ring—till we heard the front door unlock. Ryan’s home.
I looked at the screen just when Bree did “I’ll call you later”

She nodded “okay, be safe”

“thanks, take care” I hung up just when the bedroom door opened, I turned and there stood Ryan—wearing his black suit holding his bag, we both locked eyes before his eyes trailed down to the rest of my body—giving me shivers—he looked back at my face.

I, then realized that I was sitting in bath robe.

I shouldn’t be embarrassed sitting in my bath robe. In our room. But that didn’t stop that embarrassing feeling to come over me. I looked down at myself, scared, maybe some part of me was revealing, I wrapped my arms around me and looked back at Ryan who was still staring at me.

“I was going to go change,” I found myself saying. He finally looked away from me and nodded. He closed the door behind him and approached our bed, he placed down his bag from one and loosened his tie with the other hand. How can someone look so attractive by just doing that?

He probably sensed me staring because he paused and turned towards me. Shit. I quickly turned away and busied myself arranging my dresser. Please don’t say anything. Please don’t say anything. He didn’t, I invisibly relaxed.

I glanced up in my mirror and caught Ryan standing by our side table, plugging his phone in to charge. His coat and tie were off, placed on the bed and he stood wearing a white button down which were clutched to his body and traced out his muscles perfectly—it should be illegal for someone to be this attractive—it should be illegal for him to walk around like and make every one of his move look attractive.

I am pretty sure—and I’ve told myself multiple times that Ryan is nothing more than a friend to me—although that might sound because we are weird but it is true, we are nothing more than friends or… I don’t know. I live with him so I have to get used to getting chills whenever I saw him like… like that. But its impossible to not flinch when I see him like that. He’s the kind of guy, every girl drools over but sadly he’s the kind of guy who runs away from love.