OC Reviews

2. Cien March Laws

Hello there! :D

Today we're looking at Cien March Laws, submitted by @MarinaNovkov6. This is a rather long one, so buckle your seatbelts, get a snack, and we will start right in. :D

(Disclaimer: I'll take some things very literary and ask questions from a somewhat scientific POV, but you are almost always allowed to label it under "book science" (aka things that would never work in real life but do here regardless because otherwise three quarters of the story wouldn't work). I just like to ask annoying questions and want to know how things work :P)

(OK IMPORTANT INFO: IF YOU WANT EXPLAINATIONS LOOK INTO THE COMMENTS; BACKGROUND INFORMATION IS PROVIDED THERE!)

[tw: mentions of death and mental abuse, mental illnesses]

Fandom: An original (future) story called ~Mirror Twin~. It's set in England, in a made-up town of Pacard Bell in the year of 1875 (later on it's the year of 1876).

If you say future and 1875 in one - ok two - sentences, is that steampunk? Or just the "normal" time with some changes? But overall, good, just make sure you don't ignore historical facts that are important. (;

At the end of the project, though, we're taken to London in the year of 2020.

What? That's 154 years in the future, and if the beings in your story aren't immortal (which they seem to be not, because they age) that's gonna be interesting to make this work. And what exactly is the "project"? The story?

It follows the fate of Oliver March, a simple high-school student.

Ah yes, your average 14- to 17-year-old hero. I mean, your character (which isn't the one who is referred to here, but I still wanted it to mention) is 21 which isn't bad, but still, this is somewhat of a stereotype. I'm not quite sure if the age is appropriate for a high school- equivalent, but I'll give it a go since it is possible.

His life was relatively normal. Until a series of murders, that is. News (ehem, more like newspapers...)

(you can say news, even when referring to newspapers I believe)

reported that 10 people were killed and that there is a potential murderer on the loose.

Potential? That seems awfully indirect for something this bad to happen. Jack the Ripper was on the loose like 13 years later, and if I remember correctly, he was classified as a mass murderer pretty quickly. Ok, if the pattern of the victims were very unsimilar, you might say that you talk about a potential killer, but yeah.

Oliver then meets this murderer himself—it's his own twin-brother (a mirror spirit), who Oliver didn't even remember.

And isn't killed himself? Wow, he's got plot-armour thicker than the book this will be to explain all this. On the other hand, long books are great, and as long as it isn't too confusing unravelling the mysteries surrounding the characters – which is something I do with a burning passion ;P – can be much fun

Then, life only gets worse for Oliver—he is manipulated by his twin to take lives, is reminded of his past and gets thrown into a psychiatric hospital as a paranoid schizophrenic.

...ok

That seems to happen... very quickly? This is a shortened version of course, but it feels a little odd, like this process of being manipulated, going 'round killing and being thrown into a psychiatric hospital takes place in like two hours, but in itself, yes, makes sense. And here I have to take back my statement from earlier, if he's in there for the most part he can't really be the (main) hero, so yeah, his age seems to be acceptable