Fortress Vader

Seven - Aegis

A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and has panic attacks in the refresher.
Year 1, month 6

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I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous the next morning once it finally clicked that I would be gaining employees that day. People. I'll be talking to people, face to face, for the first time since speaking to Father last.

Yeah. For a moment upon waking, I was still at relative peace. And then, while cleaning my teeth, I have a thought: I hope my breath doesn't stink.

A normal thought, presumably.

But for me, it is crippling. The realization hits me with such intensity that the toothbrush falls from my hand, splattering toothpaste onto the counter, mirror, and me. At first, I ignore it, then I irrationally worry about someone coming in here and seeing my mess.

Is the kitchen clean? The command station?

Of course, droids do some of the cleaning, like the floors and such...

What if they take one look at my setup and laugh? What if they see right through me? I'm like, eighteen! How will anyone take me seriously?

I empty my stomach. A few times.

My hair is to my shoulder blades and since I don't know what time they are supposed to arrive, I can't take a shower, which means wrangling it into a bun is like wrestling a nest of snakes. I've never had hair this long.

By the time I get to the command station, I'm flustered, starving, and still quite nauseous.

Beep beeep

Are you sick?

"No, Annie," I sigh her name. "Just a member of a species that thrives off human connection, cut off from other humans, about to meet some."

By the time I'm done talking, I've taken in the relevant cameras and logs and determined they haven't arrived yet. She beeps sympathetically when I groan and drop my head to my hands.

"All my knowledge," I mutter, peeking back up at the droid, "and what good is it now?"

I sit back. Okay, I slump back like the child I feel like.

"I have algorithms up here," I say as I tap my head. "I can quote ancient poems. I could build a droid army," I motion toward her, "and yet I cannot bear the thought of meeting these people."

She beeps a response, and I pause to try to comprehend it.

"Did...did you just call him Yellow Eyes?"

She confirms it, and for a moment, I just blink at her. Then I toss my head back and roar a laugh. I'm not even sure what else she said, too thrown off by the man's nickname in Binary.

An astromech can't cock their head since they don't technically have one...but I swear that's what Annie does as my laughter continued.

I slip to the ground next to her in the last of my chuckles. "Oh, my friend," I say with a sigh. "Do you think he'll ever tell me his name?"

Annie extends her grabbers and lifts them in a shrugging motion, which tugs more humor out of me. "I love you, Annie," I manage to get out. "I suppose if I can handle him and his master, I can handle whoever they are."

I still feel uncomfortably like I'll be sick, but laughter must be a healer because I do feel better. So despite my anxiety, I stand and begin my morning routine of verifying nothing happened while I slept. It's easy to fall into work. So easy, in fact, that when I see a shuttle land, I simply note it in the log and keep going.