Sunshine | Finnick Odair

| part 6 |

It was the first day of Finnick's victor tour and we had one day to prepare him before we arrived at district one.

"Your lucky you have a perfect charm in front of the camera"
Helena says to Finnick. Helena is the perfect one to give advice when on a victor on tour. After all, she has the most experience with the Capitol and doing speeches. When I did my victor tour, I was a disaster, so she wrote me down speeches to memorise. She has been a big help since I won my games and although she is a bit nutty she really is a good person.

"So just be my usual charming self In front of the camera, got it" he says.

"Your good with words and speeches so just say what you feel but without pissing off Snow" I instruct him.

"Now where is the fun in that" he laughs but I don't. Around the games I'm tense and worried for the safety of my family. I hate leaving them alone, knowing Snow could hurt the at any given moment.

"If you want to keep your family safe I suggest no fun"
I accidentally snap. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks.

"Aurora, Finnick I think it's time you go to your rooms" Helena instructs us before I say anything else. In my defence I wasn't going to. I may be stupid but I want to keep my life. Everybody walks off to their rooms without uttering another word. Great I made it awkward.

I lay down on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about my family. I'm glad Finnick won, but all of this victor stuff is draining me. My eyes get heavy and I drift off to sleep with my thoughts drowning me.

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'23 times' that's how many times I stabbed Gloss. 23.
The crimson colour seeps out of him, coating the cold white snow in his blood. There is so much blood. Why is there this much blood in one person?
I stare at him until I hear the sound of three cannons. I turn to look over to Casper who's quivering in pain. I get up off my knees and run over to him, now swimming in a pool of his blood. I couldn't bare to see him in pain but I didn't have it in me to end his life.

"You did this too me" he says grabbing my hand and pulling me closer. "What?" I question in disbelief.

"You killed me, it's your fault I'm dead" he shouts with blood spluttering out of his mouth.

"I'm - no. What - no it's isn't" I manage to stutter out.

"I'm dead because I saved you, if you had just died I would still be here" he shouts at me.

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I jolt a wake, not being able to catch my breathe. He was right I should of died. He would still be here. Casper would be alive and with his family. His family needed him more than anyone needs me. My chest rises up and down faster as I think of what I could of done differently. If I had run from the careers and distracted them he could of got away. It's all my fault. I murdered Casper, his blood was on my hands.

I get up out of bed and walk towards the living room. I shakily move my hands to grab a glass of water spilling it everywhere as I do so.
Shit, why do I always mess everything up? I grab a towel and begin cleaning the mess until I hear a scream. It's Finnick. I instantly run to his room, opening the door. I see him sitting up in bed as he tries to catch his breathe, he looks at me with fear and regret plastered all over his face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" he apologises.

"Its fine, I was already awake. I get them too. The nightmares" I explain, knowing the familiar feeling of the guilting eating you alive. "The games still haunt me, no matter how many times I try to push it out of my mind; the thoughts, the smell, the feelings, the memories still plague my mind" I say bluntly, thinking of the state I was in only moments ago.

"Do they ever stop?" he asks with hope coated in his voice.

"I wish I could say they stop but here I am two years later not being able to sleep" I say with a faint smile.

"Great" he sighs.

"Sleep is overrated anyways" I laugh trying to brighten the mood.

"How do you do it?" He asks.

"Do what?"

"Still manage to smile, after everything you've been through"

"What do you mean?" I ask still confused, I know the games are hard but I feel like he's implying something else.

"I know that what your father did to you. And I used to watch you taking care of your little sister by yourself, while your mom worked long hours. You were the youngest tribute in the games and you survived, I watched your games and I saw how much you cared for Casper and you lost him. What I mean is, you always see the light of things in the bad, your like the sun on a cloudy day" he explains, his words sinking into me. I've never really realised that my life was so different from others. Don't get me wrong, I knew it was different but after a while I guess I just forgot that other kids actually get to live their lives.

"I can't keep going back to the things that have hurt me or it will eventually end up killing me and I can't let Casper die for nothing" I choke down my tears refusing to let them
fall.

"He really meant a lot to you didn't he?"

"He is- was my best friend, I loved him like a brother. What about your family?" I ask changing the subject away from me.

"My father died a few years ago out at sea but my mother is still alive. She's the most caring woman I know, sometimes she is a bit too caring but she always loves to hear about the districts drama" he says smiling at the thought of his mother.

"She sounds like a wonderful woman" I say.

"She really is"

"We should try and get some sleep, goodnight kelphead" I say as I make my way towards his door.

"Goodnight sunshine"

We both laugh quietly at the nicknames we have given each other as I leave his room.

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