Teachers Tapestry

Fifty-five

✽Collette's POV✽

I haven't been to school in three weeks.

It's the last Friday of January and I'm supposed to go but I'm stuck at home. Not by force or anything, just pure fear.

I'm walking around on eggshells in my own house.

The last few weeks I've popped in and out of school. I'll go for half a day and then come home before Kinsley does so I can sort out this place. Because things got worse, like I thought they would.

In the last three weeks, I have gone through more emotions than I can process.

My father is on the brink of losing his job. I'm still going to therapy and Malorie keeps telling me not to worry about other people emotions if mine aren't in check.

But in my case that's impossible, I have Kinsley.

My father is couch bound. I quickly realised he hasn't been in rehab for the past three months, like he should've been.

No, he's been bouncing from house to house "trying to get better." It's bullshit and I don't buy it.

I've started locking my door at night. But the way he battles with the handle scares me. Each night when he drinks too much.

Colton's moved out. Not willingly anyways.  He was forced out by my father in the middle of a heated argument they had about my father not being in rehab like he should've been.

Each time they argue, I have to take Kinsley away so she doesn't hear any of the noise and startles her.

Another thing is school. Each time I go in, I receive a detention for simply not knowing the work presented. I'm also failing everything. Which isn't part of my plan for this year.

None of this shit is.

I'm too ashamed to see Valentina again, I'm ashamed of talking to her. Honestly I don't even know if we're still girlfriends. I send the occasional 'I miss you' buzzes from my bracelet and she sends them back. She's been consistent in sending me messages, every morning and every evening. I enjoy reading them, but I'm ashamed of answering them.

I'm worried she'll leave.

Which makes no sense because everyday she tells me she's still here for me.

Each day, I hate myself more and more for not interacting with her. I like her so much and I'm pushing her away.

I feel so much for her, I hate myself for not telling her how much I appreciate her. She's tried to call me a few times. I let it ring. I'm scared of picking up. What if I end up crying over the phone.

I'm way too overwhelmed right now.

I was supposed to go to school today, but I didn't. I stayed back to clean up and basically take care of the slob that sleeps on the couch constantly.

I'm in my bed right now, curled up holding velvet, laying in her hoodie,
like I have been for three past few days when I get a text from birdie.

Birdie 🕊️
Hey, Letty.

Me
Hi B!