Her Side of the World

Chapter 20

I wake up on Tuesday very early in the morning. I go out and walk a little on the beach next to the university. The sun is out and the weather is amazing. I take a quick swim. And as I enter the university gate again, my eyes land on Lea.

Is she here? Is she with her? My first thought.

Lea waves at me and I come closer.

"Is Mariam here?" I ask after a short conversation.

"Yes, she just went into the bathroom."

I take a look at my watch. I cannot wait for her.

"I need to shower before the class so I'll see you guys there?"

Lea nods and I leave.

I hear Mariam's footsteps as soon as I walk away. But I don't look back. I need to rush.

When I come into the class, Lea and Mariam had saved me a seat next to them. I sit there and say Hi quickly before the professor starts. When we get out of the class. We walk together to the library and sit at the steps in front of its gate.

"How have you been, Caleb?" Mariam asks with concern. Unable to ignore the difference in the way I have been talking lately.

"I'm alright. I missed hanging out with you."

The words escape my mouth. Lea smiles. But I look only into Mariam's eyes as I say them. And she looks back. And she holds the eye contact for a second without her facial features changing at all. Very neutral and sharp. A hint of happiness in her eyes that I am not very sure of.

"You should have joined me in my plans in the weekend." She says turning away.

I really should have. I am so regretting it. I have only a limited number of weekends here. Half of them have already passed. And I wasted one.

Lea leaves to get coffee and asks us if we'd like anything. Mariam asks her to get her favorite milkshake. And I shake my head and thank her.

"Do you have anything that is going wrong in your life currently, Caleb?" Mariam asks out of nowhere. Clearly taking advantage of the fact that Lea went away. Knowing well that I would not answer truthfully if she was still here.

"I don't think so." I answer her after a couple of seconds.

"But you are sad." She locks her eyes on mine again. And I am sure I cannot escape this.

"I'm not."

"You are."

She stops for a moment. Then she continues.

"You are. And it's okay. I think being sad is necessary for us all."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you never notice? Sometimes, we look for sorrow when we do not have it."

Is that it? Am I looking to make myself sad? Is that why the weekend had so much impact on me? Because I miss being sad? I miss feeling things?

She continues: "Sadness teaches us a lot of things. It humbles us. It teaches us that life is not always fair. It makes us appreciate better the good days. Sadness makes us a little more human. So it is okay to be sad, a little bit, for a little while."

She turns and looks at me. She puts her hand for less than a second on my shoulder then she removes it. My soul sparkles. "I'm here for you if you want to talk about it."

I nod.

This is most contact Mariam and I ever had. If Mariam had been a friend of mine back home, we'd by now have probably kissed and fooled around. But here, that's all I get. That's the most I get. And it sparkled my soul.