ala rasi ~pagie bueckers

fine line

I woke up feeling sick obviously from all the drinking I was doing but I also felt empty on the inside like all the light inside me was drained completely out

I slipped out from under pagies fingers and ran to the bathroom only to see oliva on the couch sleeping I wanted to throw up right there on the floor but I didn't I closed the bathroom door and locked it and slid down the door crying I couldn't tell if it's because I feel so bad or I'm heartbroken

Snapchat

Pagie Bueckers
where did you go?
did you sneak out on me?

Roslyn Mays
I'm dying in the bathroom 😔

Pagie Bueckers
I'm coming

pagie knocks on the door I have no energy to even get up to open the door but then the knocking stops

"Pagie what are you talking about?" I hear Olivia say

"Please leave" I hear pagie ask oliva a couple minutes later I hear the knocking again

"let me in may" pagie says in a calming voice I do as she says and I use all my energy to open the door and pagie comes in I look a total mess my hair is half curled and half straight I have mascara smeared all over my face and I'm in pagies clothes great.

"may, are you crying because you don't feel good or Ryker?" Pagie asks
"Both, but I have practice today so I have to leave" I get up off the floor and throw up in the toilet as pagie holds my hair

"I have practice to let me drive you"pagie tells me I just nodded
"I have to go home first" I tell her and she nods

"hey do you uh remember what you said last night?" she asks looking over at me "no" I say giving her a confused look because what did I say?

"What did I say pagie" I question her she just gives me a look of hurt I can tell she's upset but so was I "pagie?" I say

"I told you id wait for you, and you said there's no was reason to wait" pagie avoids eye contact with me for the first time ever "oh uh I'm sorry I have lots of stuff happening right now" I tell her "I have volleyball and college and the Ryker thing I mean I just got him back and he wants to talk some "who tf is pagie" like your my friend that's it everybody needs to learn that"

"yeah I'm your friend" pagie repeats

"Look I really don't want to do this but look no hard feelings okay pagie?, your great okay amazing even thanks for showing interest in me really but I know your gonna find someone but that person is not me" I tell her as we were getting to the dorms

"I'm sorry pagie really but I can't do it right now" I tell her again leaning over the console kissing her on the cheek, I get out of the car and don't look back

"Mayyyy!!! oh are you okay?" "Come here" my bestest friend says pulling me into her and letting me cry on her shoulder

I told harper everything she agrees I need to be left alone and so she leaves me alone after going to practice I didn't go I didn't want to see pagie or Keegan or anyone else for that matter I just wanted to lock my bedroom door and never come out

all this for a boy? No it was more than just Ryker  it was the fact that I had pagie right were I wanted her I have feelings for her but I continue to still let my old love get a head of me