Fibre Mortem: Rhesus Factor

24

You ever have a feeling that tells you something is wrong, but everything seems normal so you can't quite figure it out?

That was me waking up in Nate's room wondering what was going on. Everything washed over me a few seconds later and I shuddered knowing I was going to feel dirty for a long time. I told myself to snap out of it and to pick one of two choices.

I could stay and wither away to nothing because of my guilt, because of how impure I felt, or I could stop pitying myself, rise up from the metaphorical ashes and get back to kicking ass. I'd just technically cured a second person of the Fibre Mortem virus!

I kicked off the sheets in full force. No one was going to make me feel low ever again. I made my choices, shit--albeit bad shit--happened but I could live with my consequences. Reese was alive, he may hate me, but I was glad for that.

I may be pissed at Nate because he swindled me and more so swindled Reese out of a comfortable relationship but I had to acknowledge that our relationship while at first purely physical had shifted last night. He had changed, somehow, I no longer felt he was a playboy out to play my feelings.

The only other person I knew who cared enough about me to drop everything and stay had been Reese and I knew how I felt about him. Nathan showed me a moment of comfort in a really dark time and that changed something in me about him.

I needed to leave the room before I chickened out and went back to cowering under the pillows, so I took a deep heady breath and opened the door. No one was around, no one was trying to snoop or be nosey and I let out the breath I'd just sucked in.

Today was going to be okay, except for that nagging feeling of doom in the pit of my stomach. I tabled those feelings and made my way to the lab. Reese may not like it, but the fact was that he was still my "patient".

I'd see if maybe Dean wouldn't mind helping, and maybe Louise too. Definitely Louise, she was probably going stir-crazy since she hadn't been in the lab or training in a long time. I'd have to grovel at her feet for forgiveness over that. I'd fucked up there. Well, she was about to be promoted to lab tech assistant for my mistake.

I was smiling when I heard something going on in the lunch room. Shouting, actually. I changed my direction and walked into the room right as Nathan decked Sean. My mood died instantly and I felt like throwing up.

Before I could even react, Nate was on top of him, pummeling the holy hell out of Sean's face. "You think you're the shit? A big man? What, because you can intimidate a woman? How do you feel now that someone's doing it to you?"

Sean wasn't moving and I was afraid that he'd killed him but then Sean let out a struggled breath and I rushed over to Nate. Nate's eyes were blazing with anger, his fist was still raised as if he'd continue his brutal onslaught in the next moment.

I kneeled down and touched his hand gently, and he flinched but then I saw the hate fade away from his eyes and knew he wouldn't touch him again. We both stood and before I could say anything Nate used the toe of his boot to kick Sean in the head.

"STOP!" I screamed, angry that he'd lashed out at him again. I thought this was over.

My cry fell on deaf ears, Nate's voice booming well over mine. "If you EVER lay a hand on Lively again, I will personally feed you to the horde my god damned self, Sean! In fact, if you do that to any woman, or man in this camp I will do it and laugh. You've been warned."

Nate promptly turned and left the lunch room and everyone who was staring, slack jawwed at what had happened.

I couldn't handle the judging eyes so I turned just as quickly as I'd came in and ran out after him. "Nate!"

He wouldn't turn, just kept walking.

"Nathan Savage you turn your ass around and you look at me right fucking now!"

He stopped, but didn't turn and didn't say anything. He stood, his jaw twitching.

I finally reached him but didn't know what to say. We stood there, staring at each other but unsure of how to read the other. Was he mad at me? I had never asked him to do this. I wasn't even going to do anything about it myself.

Then, with fire, he pulls me to him and his mouth comes crashing down to mine. Instantly I'm like liquid fire, my hands have a mind of their own as they roam where ever they please. I moan against his lips.

It feels so good, but I can't do this. So I break our connection and immediately regret it. His lips are like home and now I'm lost.

"Lively, god. I--I'm so sorry. I never meant to do...that." He looks so hurt, so lost and unsure of himself. This isn't Nate, this is a different more vulnerable side to him and I don't know what to make of it.

"You're sorry you kissed me or?" I ask lightly and he laughs.

Suddenly he's laughing and can't control himself. Finally, he gets his act together enough to say, "You have a way of fixing everything you know that?" and then he tugs at one of my stray waves.

His compliment feels nice, but I grimace anyway knowing that I can't fix this. "Nate, I won't be able--"

He steps in closer and softly touches his lips to mine but doesn't linger. I can feel his breath when he whispers, "I know. Don't try please. I'm not sorry I did it and I need you to know that. No one will ever hurt you while I still breathe."

I close my eyes, relishing in the feel of what he's said and when I open them, he's gone.

I want to cry and I want to kick something for all of these things that I'm feeling. I hate it, these people have woken feelings in me that I thought I'd killed so long ago and now I'm afraid that if I lose any of them, they're going to take whatever soul I have left and leave me just as void emotionally as the zombies.

That's how I'm feeling when I walk into lab and see Reese sitting up.

He won't look at me and while I knew that was going to happen, it doesn't stop it from stinging any less.

Today has gone from feeling like I could conquer the world to wanting to go back into Nate's room and hide until this is all over. I don't run though, running is easy and nothing in this life has ever been easy.

Instead, I get the phlebotomy kit and get ready to wrestle Reese for blood. Maybe Lou will come once she figures out I'm not in hiding anymore, but you know, life never gives us what we want. Instead, life gives us things that we need.

Lessons that will either break us or make us. These things shape who we are, and how we feel about things. I was getting ready to learn some valuable life lessons soon.