I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 10

Silently Screaming Birthday

**Journee**

[Saturday]

I just woke and I am another year older and I look back over my life and just feel numb over everything. People on their birthday are happy and partying me I just want to die and join them.

I get up head to bathroom and take a long warm shower. I sitting here watching television as the day passes by. I got it in me that I want to do something that I haven’t done in so long.

It is now 7:30 I guess I should start getting ready.

**Ethan**

After I got off work I went home took a shower and went to get Journee some roses. Thought flow through my mind and I wonder why she wants be alone. As I pull up to her apartment complex I see her walking out the door. She doesn’t look to be going to work. But I could be wrong. I’ll follow her and see.

She pulls up to a Karaoke club. What in heavens name is she doing here? This club somewhat racist and she is going in there. Why?

I stay in back in a dark corner so that I am not seen. “What can I get you to drink sir?” A blond woman asks me while poking out her breast in my face. “Plain ice water please.” “I’ll be right back with your drink.”

**Journee**

I peep from behind the curtains I see a white girl up their singing some song getting a lot of attention from guys. I just want to breathe again.

“Let’s hear it for Emily. She did great singing ‘man I feel like a woman’. Whooh. Next, we have a new face her name is Journee. Let’s give her a warm welcome.”

I hear the hand claps until they see me then everything changes. I sit on the stool and look out at all the faces I take a deep breath and begin to sing

Someone point me in the right direction

Tell me where's the nearest piece of mind?

I'm going crazy

Knight in shining armor in the distance

He sees the angel threatening my life

Why won't he save me?

All I want is somebody to give a damn

Notice that I'm struggling and lend a hand

They say

Everybody needs someone to understand

Well damnit that includes me too

And all I want is someone to be there for me

Someone that genuinely cares

But I'm just dreaming

It's like I'm silently screaming

Even though I'm totally surrounded

I feel like I'm in here by myself

How about you do it cause you love me?

Not cause you want something in return

Is that so crazy?

Crazy

In the middle of the sea of helpless

But see, I never learned how to swim

Somebody save me

Somebody save me

All I want is somebody to give a damn

Notice that I'm struggling and lend a hand

They say

Everybody needs someone to understand

Well damnit that includes me too

And all I want is someone to be there for me

Someone that genuinely cares

But I'm just dreaming

It's like I'm silently screaming

Somebody to catch me when I fall

Somebody to help me through it all

Someone I can trust

Tell me if I'm asking too much

All I want is somebody to give a damn

Notice that I'm struggling and lend a hand

They say

Everybody needs someone to understand

Well damnit that includes me too

All I want is someone to be there for me

Someone that I can genuinely trust

But I'm just dreaming

It's like I'm silently screaming

Even though I'm totally surrounded

Silently screaming

I feel like I'm in here by myself

Silently screaming

Standing looking out no claps or nothing. Everybody is looking at the black girl with tears coming down her face.

“Thank you” I say lowly and with a crack voice.

When I turn to walk off her here claps and lots of compliments but I just want to finally find me again. I walk away still crying from everything that has been and still is weighing heavily on me.

** Ethan **

I’m watching Journee sing and I can’t believe what I am hearing. She sounds flawless. Even with tears coming down her face. She is broken yet in this moment she is so beautiful. I am finally seeing her soft side the broken part of her. These lyrics she is crying out for help, but why in a room full of people who don’t know her. She is finishing and my heart goes out to her and I need to know what is going on with her.

She is leaving the stage I pay for my drink and rush out the door to catch her before she leaves, I grab her card and flowers and wait for her. I see her come out the back door. Her eyes hold more than tears.

“Journee!” “Ethan! What are you doing here?” “The other day I overheard your conversation I know today is your birthday. Happy Birthday Journee.” I say to her while giving her, her gifts. “Eavesdropping I see. Thank you very much Ethan.” “You sung beautiful. I still have chills.” Her face and eyes hold a pain that I can’t figure out. “Thank you. I’m going home. Ethan, do you know what I am?” “I know what you do if that is what you’re asking.” “Then stay away from me” She says then rushes and gets in the car and drives away.

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