I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 19

Playback & Pain

**Journee**

Winning the concert was fun but had to leave for work I found out later that night I won. I am still shocked I changed the song the way I did. I decided that I would go visit Tristan and put all my winnings on his bill. After paying I went to his room.

Sitting there talking to him as if he is going to talk back to me. I’m watching cheaters on the T.V. when a nurse came in to check his vitals. “Who are you to him?” She asked. “I’m a friend.” “You’re a little too old, aren’t you?” “I wasn’t aware that it was an age limit to be friends.” “I haven’t seen you here before.” “That is not my problem.” She looks at me and continues doing her job. When she leaves, I go back to watching cheaters ‘til my phone interrupts me.

“Hello.” “Hey Journee. How would you like to go back to my brother’s club? You got a great response.” “Stan I don’t know about that. When would I go?” “This weekend?” “I’ll let you know.” I hear him continuing to talk. “Bye Stan.” I say then hung up my phone. ‘Please don’t end up with a life like this or worse.’ I say to Tristan. I go to the restroom. I hear the door close. ‘Wonder why the nurse is back.’ After washing my hands, I walk out and come face to face with the ocean. I drown myself in his eyes every time I see him.

“What are you doing here?” “Nice to see you also Ethan.” “That came out wrong. I just wasn’t expecting to see you here.” “I put money on Tristan’s bill and been watching T.V.” “I’m glad you’re here. Journee, can I ask you something?” “Sure.” “The other day you came to my house and you kissed me. Why?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “What about the song you sung. Was it for me?” “Ethan please.” “Please what. Keep asking questions. Do you want show up at your house?” “The hell Ethan you already do.” “Not late.” “But you fucking come.” “That mouth of your need to stop.” “Why the fuck does my fucking mouth need to stop?” “Cute.”  “I try.” I say flipping my hair.

“Where is the wife at Ethan?” “Stop.” “Stop what.” “You know I don’t have a wife.” “Well the way she came at me to stake her claim in you one would think otherwise.” “Are you jealous?” “Never.” “Then why kiss me.” “Your jealous.” I spit back with venom lacing my voice. I watch him burst in a fit of laughter. “Jealous of what?” He asks still laughing. I had to think quick. “Of Reggie.” I quickly face palmed myself for being dumb to say that. “You say I’m jealous of This Reggie person, yet you were singing to me. How did it go you wanted me to play you a Spanish guitar all through the night?” I’m so fucked I think to myself.

“What’s wrong Journee, cat finally got your tongue?” “No.” I say rolling my eyes at him? He gets up and walks over to me. Damn he smells good. “Tell me what is it then.” “Get your ass out of my face.” “Something wrong?” He knows what he is doing. I’ll play with fire.

I stood up to him looking at him in his eyes. “Why do you want me to be jealous of Chloe? You don’t want her remember.” I take his hand put it on my waist. Lean him to him. “you want me don’t you Ethan?” I whisper in his ear then kiss down his neck. “Journee stop.” “Stop what?” He quickly steps back from me and I laugh at him. “What’s wrong Ethan?” I say with a smirk.

“I am a pastor Journee.” “Pastor’s don’t get horney?” “Excuse me.” “You don’t ever want to slide between the thighs of a woman?” “I plan to just not now. Only on my wedding night and I will not as you say ‘slide between some woman’s thighs’ I will make her mind cum over and over before I reach her body. When I do before she clothes come off I will have her craving the depths of me not to be in her but near her. Her body on fire from my touches.” He softly laughs and starts talking again. “But you wouldn’t know anything about something like that, do you?” Fuck he got me soaked. “Yes, I do.” I lied. I have never experienced anything like that. I be damn if I don’t want too. “Your lying Journee.” “Let’s finish watching T.V.” He smiles “What you say Ms. Journee.” I flipped through channels before finding In the heat of the Night.

30 minutes later I looked at Ethan who was into the show. “Ethan.” “Yes.” He looks at me. “How do you know about sex? You’re a virgin and a pastor.” “That doesn’t mean I’m dumb.” “I didn’t mean it like that.” “I always told God when He gives me my wife I want to be able to love her like no one else ever has. I want to pleasure her in ways her mind and body can’t comprehend. I don’t look for a woman to have sex with I will have one woman that I am going make her feel things she never has before.” “Yet you have never had sex before so how would you know?” “You have had sex before and don’t know that feeling because no man has never given you that feeling.” He turned back to watching T.V.  I sat there and though about the men I have been with and tears silently slip out my eyes. 

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