Four Broken Pieces ✓

Fifteen

I was lost in thought when I pulled up at my house in my grandfather's car. My heart felt weak with emotion and I was tempted to let sleep take over. But the memory of the last few hours wouldn't let me sleep so easily. For the first time in my 17 years, I'd seen my grandfather crumple to his knees in defeat. Those sobs that wracked his body left me shaking even now. How had they not affected my mother? How had she heard them and chosen to ignore them? Was she so cruel?

I slowly clambered out of the car, my whole body feeling worn down. Perhaps a hot shower would help. As I got closer to the front door, I noticed three silhouettes on the porch step sitting in complete silence. On any other night, I would have been elated to see these three boys but not tonight. Tonight I just wanted rest.

But then I remembered the dinner I'd promised them and winced. No matter what, I owed them an explanation. They were no doubt furious at me for standing them up. I stood in front of them, staring at my feet and schooling my face to hide my weariness before looking up.

"I'm so sorry," I said, not wanting to explain where I'd been. It would only pick at my wounds and I'd end up spilling all the tears I'd held in at my grandfather's place.

"I get it Roe," said Alexei, but he wasn't looking at me, instead opting for the ground instead. There was something painfully raw in that voice that had me startled and scared for a second. Did he know?

"Get, get what," I asked, holding my breath and praying he knew nothing. Not yet. We'd only just met. He didn't need to know how messed up my life was.

"You only agreed for this dinner because you felt pity for me," he said, and the self-loathing and regret in that voice was like a punch to my stomach as I realized I'd triggered one of his biggest insecurities. His blindness, something that in no way made him any less special, was what haunted this boy and I'd given him another reason to believe he was less than those around him.

"What no Alex," I started but he cut me off and rose to his feet, still refusing to meet my eyes. The pain in that stance as he stooped forward had me darting forward to put my arms around him, assure him that he was in no way undesirable but he batted me off with a flick of his wrist. Involuntarily, I felt the tears rising and my heart clenched at how sorrowful he looked.

"I understand. Who'd want to go to dinner with a blind boy? I should have known better," he said, bitter and sharp and I inhaled a breath in shock. God he'd thought so low of me. To think he'd thought I'd reject him for his blindness. Did he think I was so cruel? I felt an irrational surge of anger towards him. My emotion, which had already been on a high manifested into harsh words I could never take back.

"You think so low of me? Why would I ever hold that against you? Are you so blind to not even understand that much about me?" I saw the mistake in my words as soon as I said them, heard the gasp of shock escape Alexei's lips, and out of the corner of my eye saw Ivan's body coil in anger. I'd said them in the heat of the moment and without even thinking. In no way was I referring to his actual blindness when I'd said what I'd said, but the fact that I'd used the word against him would inevitably hurt him even more. God no, no what had I done?

"No wait I didn't mean," I said, grasping for words out of air while reaching out to clutch Alexei's jacket but it was in vain. He brushed me off, and finally looked up at me. The pain I saw there was enough to make me stumble back a step. He took a deep breath in, and the heavy emotion in his eyes dimmed just a bit and was replaced with firm resolve. His hand came up to steady me before he pulled me closer to him, his eyes somehow looking straight into mine.