Four Broken Pieces ✓

Thirty Five

"Roe are you ready yet," called out Ivan from the bottom of the staircase. I took a deep breath and smoothed down the front of my dark red dress even though there were no wrinkles.

It had been months since I'd worn a dress like this one. It hugged my body in all the right places and flared out at the end. It had been my mother's gown and I'd dug it out of the back of my closet. She must have left it there at some point. It still seemed to smell like her.

I'd left my face bare of any makeup since I no longer had any around the house. I'd gotten rid of it all when my mother had left. My hands shook slightly as I ran it through my hair.

I looked beautiful but there was no smile on my face. I couldn't conjure one onto my face even if I tried. I'd always hate my beauty for what it had gotten me. I could barely look at the mirror without noticing that my hipbones still stuck out slightly and my cheekbones were still high and severe. I realized then that recovery was still a long way away. I cursed under my breath and was just about to change out of the dress when the door to my bedroom opened up.

"Roe you...wow." I glanced up to find Ivan standing in the doorway with a glazed expression on his face. His heated eyes travelled once down my body before meeting my eyes once again. Bright green eyes gave way to something dark and intense. It sent shivers down my spine, good shivers. For just a second, I felt good in this dress. For a second, I could see myself wearing it with a smile.

"You okay? You look a little pale." I turned back to the mirror once again. Who was I kidding? If I looked closely enough, I could probably see my ribs sticking out of my side.

"Hey hey what's wrong?" Ivan came up behind me. He'd detected my chain of negative thoughts. It was probably written all over my face. He looked so handsome in his midnight black suit as he stood partly behind me. I looked even more horribly skinny next to his muscular frame.

"Nothing. Just fixing my hair." The answer didn't satisfy Ivan. He spun me around in his arms and tucked a single strand of hair back into its place.

"Your hair is perfect. Now tell me what's wrong so I can fix it." I knew if he could, Ivan would fix all of my problems but this wasn't something he could fix. It was my own head, my own thoughts. I was by no means as skinny as I used to be but somehow I still felt the same when I wore this dress. Perhaps I'd recovered physically, but my mind still worked the same.

"It's nothing. I just don't think this dress fits me properly." That was as close to the truth as I was going to get. Ivan stepped back from me with a furrowed brow before spinning me around once. I held back my surprise at how graceful the motion was. I'd forgotten that Ivan danced.

"It looks like it was made for you. Roe are you nervous about going to dinner at my father's house because if you don't want to go I can cancel." I was shaking my head before he even finished completing his sentence. His voice trailed off at the end.

"Then what is it sweetheart?" His green eyes were wide and imploring as he tried to discern what was going through my head. He wouldn't figure it out unless I told him. I don't even think Mikhail could see into my head at this point. This was a self-disgust I'd kept buried from my own mother. Perhaps I'd tell them one day but for now we needed to go. We were already late to dinner.

"I'll tell you later alright. I'll be downstairs in a minute." He still didn't look convinced but dropped the issue when he realized I wouldn't yield. He'd push the issue later though, I could tell. He'd push me to fight all my demons and give me strength to do so. I loved him for that. He gave me a light kiss on the forehead before leaving. Once he was out of sight, I looked back to the mirror. My eyes were drawn to it even though I hated what I saw.