You Know Your Rights!

I Can't Kick Your Habit

There's an empty space inside my heart
Where the weeds take root
And now I'll set you free
I'll set you free
There's an empty space inside my heart
Where the weeds take root
So now I'll set you free
I'll set you freeSlowly we unfurl
As lotus flowers
'Cause all I want is the moon upon a stick
Just to see what if
Just to see what is
I can't kick your habit
Just to fill your fast ballooning head
Listen to your heart - Radiohead

I remember seeing get out on January of 1993. You looked so clean, and healthy. You gained back your old body mass, your eyes were a lovely shade of clear ocean blue, your hair and your body looked all clean. You looked like you again.

When they released you from the center I remember running into your arms breaking down into tears, and smothering you in  kisses. I was so happy to see you back again!

I remember for the first few weeks I was in a pit of despair. There was an empty space in my heart that used to be occupied by you. I was so  closed off in our lovely house which quickly morphed into my prison overnight. It wasn't until Icy came over, and broke me out of my shell which lead me to enjoy the outside world again. It also lead me to not miss you as much as I normally would've. Life made me happy. I was free to be myself, and I wasn't completely chained to you. Even when your gone your strangle hold is still present, but I was different.

I remember the first day on the outside was the hardest, but it got easier and easier everyday. I was finally breaking the habit.

However, this didn't mean that I was any less addicted to you or loved you less than before. No, far from it. It just now meant that I could live without you now.

I remember when you first got out. We gathered up all our friends and partied. We were so blissfully happy. It was like those past few months vanished and nothing ever happened. It was just like the good old days.

Inspired by these newly acquired wings we both had we both decided to have one last hoorah for the music industry. Thus, began the arduous process of writing and producing our final studio albums. On March 26th of that year I released Overstaying Our Welcome. It was Beethoven's death day. Then, later on September 21st of that year you released In Utero.

Our albums were released and only found tons of good critical and commercial reception and success. It was good. Of course we didn't care, but these albums were very personal to both of us. Yours especially. I thought In Utero was just to openly recite your past experiences and demons, but that wasn't the case at all. You were still struggling with those demons, and not one damned person knew until it was too late. I still couldn't kick your habit. You had the body of a sober person, but your mind was still hooked and addicted.

We went touring again, too. Frances even joined us. It was amazing to be one again. However, underneath the happy and shining exterior our interiors were rotting. We were unfurling and untangling each other. At my core all you saw was muck. However, at your core all I saw was absolute beauty. I saw a small flower bulb growing and developing into a lovely and enchanting lotus. We were setting each other free, and breaking down the last few chains that were holding us both back from enlightenment. We were reaching for the secret too soon. God struck you down for it by burning your wings and allowing you to drown, while he allowed all the others to fly away safely and unscathed. 

I came to this realization when you went to down a mouth full of sleeping pills with some champagne. I knew you have been having trouble sleeping, plus you told me it was accident so I believed you. But i forgot you were a natural born and bonafide liar. Why I didn't see the problem then I don't know, I guess I just had that much faith and trust in you. I believed in you too much.

But you were listening to the darkness in your heart. That darkness told you to force yourself away from me and Frances, and be consumed by it. The voices in your head told you to run, while mine told me to stay by your side.

The tour began to wind down when we both had MTV appearances in December of that year. It was another one of those Unplugged sessions, and it would also be our last performance together. You and your band were playing their assigned instruments, while I was in the background playing the cello. 

It was a somber moment, dreadful even. No loud sounds, no Smells Like Teen Spirit, no God like complexes, no men, only us in our fortified bubble of peace and solitude. It was saddening, yet awakening and revigorating all at once. It was a dim moment. To you you completely sold out to those big wigs at the top, to your band and I it was a family reunion without the dysfunctional drugs, alcohol, and ravenous fans drawing at all of us like some prop. To quote Krist you were and always will be a cynical bastard.

When the show was over, we flew back to our home in the suburbs of Seattle away from everyone once more. Your sane mind kept slowly unfurling during this time. It would set you 'free'. I was the only way you could gain back your clipped wings, and fill the empty space in your heart. I couldn't kick your habit, but you'll always shine on you crazy diamond.

A/N: It isn't over yet, guys! There is still some story left! I think I might make a sequel to this, but I don't know. Anyway enjoy, sorry this chapter is a bummer, and thank you for all the support!