She Remembered But She Didn't

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WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM AND MY TEARS AS I WROTE THIS SEND HELP!!!!

A/N: no but seriously it took so long cuz i cried

The next morning Bellona, Felix, and Emy where sitting on the kitchen table talking.

"Bellona, why are you here?" Emy asked.

"It will be mother's birthday soon, she wishes to have all her offspring gathered to celebrate?"

"She doesnt even know her own age anymore, I dont see the reason to why celebrate. The rest of us children have long since stop celebrating and so, has she. Why dont you tell us the truth.?" Felix leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.

Bellona sighs, "mother wants us to..."

"Say it," Emy knows want she wants to say but she wanted to hear the word come out of her sister's mouth.

"Mother has found people how need our help and believes they are good enough to try again." Bellona avoids her siblings' eyes.

"Bellona do you remember what happened when we chained down to a family," Felix asked.

"I remember."

"Well, it doesnt look like it."

"We all lost a brother but mother and father lost a son and if they are willing to move on shouldnt we do as well?"

Felix temper got the best of him and slammed his hand on the table. "YOU ALL AGREED. OUR BROTHER ASK FOR DEATH AND AGREED. YOU ALL ASKED EMY TO DO THAT ACT AND NOT EVEN BOTHERED TO THINK OF HER."

"Felix, what were we supposed to do? He lost it all."

"He had his family but you let yourself be blind but his tears and jump to conclusions. You all asked Emy to kill him because you knew that if you asked all together she couldn't say no nor talk sense into him."

Emy finally spoke, "Tell mother she can chain herself but from this day onwards it doesnt have to be for the whole family."

"What?!?" They ask in unison.

"I've spoken to the gods a long time ago about that. From now on chaining can be individual or whatever. But they're five rules that must be followed." Emy gave Bellona paper with the rules listed.

"Rule one, they can't order us to hurt of family. Rule two, they can't hurt our family whether they do it or have someone else to do. Rule three, anything that goes against our moral code or family rules will not be done no matter what. Rule four, they will never hurt a someone else chained family." Bellona read out loud.

"What about the fifth rule?" Felix asked.

"The fifth rule isn't written because we have to be the one to tell our chained. Rule five, if one of these rules are broken they will be killed painfully by the god in an instant."

Felix and Bellona stayed quiet because they knew that rule was added by Emy herself.

Emy and Felix had been hurt the most about their brother's death. They were connected since they were the youngest, their mother always said. They had left the family together after his death, after a while they had found out that the family hadn't stayed together and everyone had gone their own paths. But unlike Emy and Felix, the other had kept contact with their parents and once a while they come to them by their parents' orders.

"What about the acceptance?" Bellona asked.

"That is for me to worry about, now I believe it's time for you to leave," Emy said.

Bellona took the paper and her knife and walk out the door, Felix waited till he couldnt fell her presences to walk out after giving Emy a small and quick hug.

Emy sat in silence in the kitchen, Nightshade was out on a walk and she was all alone with her thoughts and memories.

She can't remember his face but she does remember his warm tears on her lap. She was sitting on that chair again with her forgotten brother in his knees crying, begging.

"Please, Emy I dont want to leave anymore. Not after this."

She remembers the dead bodies again and the pain she felt with some and the hate with others. She remembers how he grabs her hand and held them together. She remembers how he kissed her knuckles and looks up to her.

She remembers his final word of that day, she remembers his sad smile, "I dont want to live through this because they didn't."

She remembers how he walked away that day, she remembers how the next day she stood in front of the graves with her brother's sword and how she pierced his heart. What she hated the most was remembering his smile and his last words, "Thank you Emy you were my favorite older sister."

She remembered standing there as her brother fell in his grave smiling and how her mother and father stood behind her telling her she had done the right thing and how Felix fought and kicked their siblings for agreeing with them. Emy remembered how his name vanished the second his heart stop and not being able to put a tombstone on that grave with a nameless rock on top.

Emy remembered how not a single tear fell until the grave was fully covered and remembered how Felix asked how she could keep it in later that day as she cried on his lap.

"He was always happy. He hated crying."

Emy could remember his actions, his voice, his smile, even his breathing when they used to share a room but Emy couldnt remember his face nor his name. It felt like agony and pain knowing someone so well yet not remember his completely.

Before she knew it Emy was in the bathtub with her black lace dress. Her arms and legs wrote on with a knife. Emy heals quickly but injuries caused by her own hand heal like normal people only without the scars.

Nightshade had arrived, Emy could hear him opening and slamming the door shut and his foot's steps running to the restroom. When he opened the door he saw her, her skin pale and her eye red and puffy. His own eyes filled with sadness and pain.

"Sorry," was all she said as he carried her out the tub and sat her on the sink counter.

"Why do you do this?" He asks looking at her ruined clothes trying to avoid looking at her cuts or face.

"Aesthetics," she said.

That day Nightshade looked out for his master. He got her clean clothes and cleaned her blades and out them way, no matter how much he hated them. He cooked but she didnt eat, he talked but she didnt listen, he watched over her but she was in a daze.

At night Nightshade helped his master bed and finally got the courage to ask. "What happen?"

"My mother is going to chain with a family so she wanted the whole family."

"So you told her?"

"Yeah then they left and I was alone."

"Alone with your thoughts?"

"No alone with my memories," she looked at him with a tear on her eyes. "I remembered but..."

"You remembered but you didn't." He finished for her holding her in his arms.

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