It's Always Been You.

Chapter 19

As I steadily walked downstairs, making sure I hear him come upstairs but so far it didn't seem like he was coming this way. I walked towards the kitchen and there he was standing, looking at the breakfast tray. I didn't moved any further while he was examining it. I could see the disappointment on his face and it kind of did hurt me somewhere.
Just then he looked up at me and maintain his posture.
"How was your day?" He randomly asked
"Why? Why are you asking?" I inquired, scared that if by chance he got to know if I was in his room.
"Just like that."
"What would I do all by myself in this house?" I pretended like I didn't do much
He didn't say anything and got lost in thoughts
"Everytime I ask to take you out, you always refuse.. you also don't want to meet the neighbors or my friends-"
"I'm not going to stay here forever so what's the need of knowing the place or it's people." I came out a bit harsh on him and I could feel an instant guilt in my heart.
He took his keys and went upstairs. I was relieved that he didn't doubt me investigating in his room.
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"I've some work out of the city so I'll be leaving you
at mom's" Shahveer said while finishing his food
"What's the need? I can stay by myself." I replied back
"I don't know when I'll be back and the last thing I want is to be worried about you the whole day."
"You don't have to be worried about me. I can take care of myself."
"Listen to me atleast once. All I want is you to be safe while I'm gone."
"How long will you be gone?"
"I'll try to come back before midnight." He smiled at me while answering the question.
"I think I can manage to stay by myself for a night atleast."
"Alizeh, please don't test my patience. I've already told you that you've to stay with Mom. You don't know anyone here, if God forbid something happens what will you do?"
"Fine, I'll go." I got up with my dishes and went to the kitchen
"You didn't eat the breakfast?" He asked while he placed his dishes in the sink
I kept quite not knowing how to answer him. I pretended like I didn't hear him and continued washing the dishes.
Just then he turned me around and closed the distance between us. I put both my hands in between to create a bit distance because if he get more closer he could listen to heartbeat. My mind wasn't working properly to overcome my nervousness.
"You didn't answer me."
"I-I.... wasn't hungry." I lied
"You didn't eat anything the previous night and you weren't hungry?" He raised one of his eyebrow
"I-I.. need to go." I tried to get out his grip but to no success
"You used to go insane if you don't eat for more than two hours."
I looked at him surprised, he even remember such small things as well. I was confused as of who is the real Shahveer, the one who still remembers everything about me and cared about me or the one who I have seen that night.
That night was one of the most traumatic event of my life. No matter how hard I try I can't forget it. Knowing that he was the one who caused me such pain, I pushed him away from me.
"You think everything will go back to normal? You think making me remember our good days will make me forget what you did to me? You seriously think it's that easy?" I screamed at him while tears starts to rolled down my cheeks.
His eyes soften while seeing me cry "Alizeh-I..I'm so"
"I don't need your apology. Your one sorry won't make me forget that night, Shahveer. I can never forget that you were the one who ruined my life."
"Alizeh, My one mistake doesn't describe me. Everyone makes a mistakes. Does that mean the person is a sinner? And okay if I didn't do any of those things. Would you've accepted me when your groom ran away on your wedding day?"
I looked at him with disbelief.
"You only think about yourself, right? You don't care about my feelings. You think whatever you want, you have to get it. You're just an egoistic person who doesn't care about anyone's feelings, emotion, life or respect. You don't have a sister maybe that's why it's easy for you to be so unbothered about such stuff. Let's just imagine if someone did the same to your mother, would you still forgive that person." I screamed
"Alizeh, You're crossing your line." He shouted at me with rage in his eyes
"No! You've already crossed the line." I screamed back "the way you can't think about someone doing it to you mother, think about me? How can I forgive the person who did the same thing to me. You've no idea how hard it is for me to live with the same person who ruined my life under the same roof."
He kept quiet but his gaze was still firm. His body relaxed abit.
"You can't even justify your own mistake, Shahveer. But what hurts the most is that you don't even think it was your mistake." My voice cracked due to continuous crying.
"I know what I did can't be justified but I had my reasons."
"What reasons? Reason like attaining something which you wanted and making it the matter of ego. If you really did cared about me, you wouldn't have done that. You would cared about my respect and my family honor. You wouldn't go ahead to ruin my life." I said while now calming down.
He looked away from me as I said those words.
I didn't waited for his reply and went straight to my room. I took the praying mat and started my namaz. Tears didn't stopped for a second as I made dua.
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The drive to Aunty Shamsha's House was awkward and quiet. We both didn't looked at each other nor did we exchange any words with each other. I did apply some makeup as my eyes were quite puffy due to crying all night.
"Asalam-u-Alaikum" Aunty and uncle greeted us as we entered her house. We paid our Salam to Both.
"Shahveer, why are your eyes swollen?" Aunty asked as she turns to hug him. I then turned my eyes towards him and realized his eyes were actually swollen as if he was crying. He looked at my confused face and then back to Aunty
"Nothing Mom, Didn't sleep well last night."
Shahveer took a leave shortly after and uncle accompany him outside. I sat down with Aunty who made tea for me and her.
"Shamsha, I'm going to Anwars house." Uncle yelled enough for us to hear.
"So Alizeh, hows Shahveer treating you?" Aunty inquired as she took a sip of tea.
"Good" my answer was short as I didn't want to lie to her.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded to her question and smiled at her.
"You know marriage life isn't easy. Sometimes you've to compromise. You have to learn to forgive and forget to live a blissful life." She said while looking at me adoringly.
I smiled at her and nodded. I think she must have sense some tension between Shahveer and me.
I remember the picture I saw yesterday and decided to inquire about it in order to change the topic
"Um, Aunty I wanted to ask you something." I started off "Um, yesterday I was cleaning shahveer's drawer so I came across one picture. It seem like the photo was of you when you were in your 20's and a few years old Shahveer but along with you guys there was this man who I don't recalled."
Aunty looked at me rather shocked and didn't utter any words for few seconds. I got nervous if I asked her something wrong.
I quickly apologized for being nosy and that she doesn't have to answer it.
"Why didn't you asked Shahveer?" She asked
"I-I didn't know if he knew and I didn't want him to think I was going through his stuff and it must've skipped out of my mind." I gave her different reasons all at once.
"It must've been better if Shahveer had told you this but I think you should know about it. I'm assuming Shahveer didn't shares about his past with you. He normally doesn't talk about it with anyone though." She put her cup down and took a deep breath before starting again. I was not that interested but the way she's acting it actually made me curious
"I ran away from my house when I was 18 to get married to a man whom I thought I loved. My family obviously didn't accepted this marriage and cut all the ties with me. I was really happy with that man for the first few months but things changed as soon as I got pregnant. I saw that side of that person which he had hidden from me since we met. He started beating me while I was pregnant for no apparent reason. Things started to get out of hands when Shahveer was born. At first he didn't believe that it was his child, he went to an extent of getting a dna test. It literally broke me to pieces upon seeing this side of him but I still compromised thinking maybe he will change. I started bearing all his torture like it was normal obviously you tend to do that when you believe you loved that person. Shahveer was two years old when his father threaten me that he would kill Shahveer apparently in a drunken state. This fear woke me up and I decided to leave this person but at that time I didn't know where I would go as my parents have cut all ties with me. However, I build up the courage and called my mom, upon hearing my voice she melted and told me to leave everything and come back. I left him and took Shahveer with me. Everyone did accepted me back but they didn't accepted Shahveer. They all used to be really cold towards him which hurt me more. Your mother and I were cousins and my mom decided to get me married to your moms cousin Haider who apparently had broken his engagement with your mothers sister. Haider was ready to accept me and my child. That's how I married your uncle Haider. Later on I got to know that Haider had an accident after which he couldn't be a father in life again he broke the engagement as he didn't wanted to ruin your mothers sister life. No one knew about this except me and I too have kept it a secret because I didn't wanted a child as I already had one. Haider is a devoting husband and father and I'm happy to be with him." Her smile clearly states how satisfied she is in her life
"Did Shahveer knew about uncle Haider was not his real father." I asked
"Shahveer was 18 years old when he got to know about it. At first he couldn't take it and that's when we decided to shift to Canada. Shahveer was bit hard at the start and after his university, he moved to his own house."
That's why Shahveer left Pakistan. All these years I thought he chose Canada over our friendship and he didn't cared about me that's why I started to keep my distance from him. He didn't leave me for Canada which I was being told by Mom.
I remember Mom telling me that he wanted to be in Canada and would like to get settle there. I was 16 at the time and I believed what Mom told me and didn't asked Shahveer about his sudden departure. I did remember I was really hurt by his decision and decided not to be his friend again. I mainly was hurt because I started having feelings for him like a normal teenager. I was sure that he too liked me back but his decision to leave told another story that's why I never admitted my true feelings to him.