[1]Yoonmin AU- "I Like You"

Chapter 29: Tormenting Thoughts

Jimin's POV

Do you know what it feels like being in your embrace when I wake up? How can I explain the feeling of being protected, loved, secure, and cared for to someone like you? Do you know what's it like to admire how hard you work out of the office and see how much effort you put into things, and yet, you always make sure to have time with me? I don't wanna burden you, nor do I wanna drag you down, but what... just what did you see in me that you so suddenly kissed me under the mistletoe on Christmas and New Years?

Do you know what's it like to have you in my arms? Who do you think is more afraid to break the other? You or me? I wouldn't live with myself, knowing that I've hurt you. So I rather hurt than to hurt you. Because of you, I learned to control myself once again. When you touch me, it feels like I am receiving my daily dose of medicine, healing me and calming me down. You make me sick... so fucking sick in love with you.

Your smile, it could light a whole country. When you laugh, it sends tingles down my spine. When you hold me, I feel like there's no one else I want but you. When you're gone to go to work, I feel the emptiness kicking in and Holly comes and snuggles against me, keeping me company. When you're having a bad day, I do my very best to make you relax and massage where it hurts. When you cry, I always blame myself because I'm feeling like I'm holding you back. But yet... you're by my side.

Min fucking Yoongi... how do you do it? How do you drive me insane and calm the demons inside me at the same time? What kind of power do you have that makes me feel so sure that everything, in the end, will stay put and not fall apart. How do you do it? How do you make me feel so alive and melt at the same time?

"You're really dangerous," I muttered. "But I guess... that's what I love about you. That every day, there's a likely chance of someone trying to break us apart or make me hate you. I'm scared Yoongi... I'm scared of losing you. Please... whatever happens in the future, promise me that... you won't leave me."

I felt his arms pull me closer to him and I looked up at him, seeing if I woke him up on a weekend like this. It was Saturday, he has a rough day yesterday. And here I am, disturbing his precious sleep. What kind of boyfriend am I?

I felt my eyes sting at the thought of never feeling these feelings ever again, of never seeing him when I wake up. Why am I so insecure? Why do I always see myself in the mirror and can't stand who I see?

It's because I'm still lingering in your mind Jiminie. And I'm never leaving. I'll always stay here to torment you, always bringing you back to reality. Everything in life always dies. Whether by your hands, or someone else's hands. Don't be too happy about this, because soon or later, you'll experience the pain of losing someone real soon. Are you ready for that?

Shut up, for once, please shut the fuck up. Stop messing with me, stop, just... stop, I begged the voice that still torments me to this very day.

Aww, look at you, you're about to cry again, right Crybaby? I heard that kid that used to bully me in my head. I felt my tears rolling down, I don't want to be tormented by these thoughts anymore. I want to get better, but why...? Why do they always come back when I'm fine and okay? Why do they ruin my mood and make me so fucking sensitive?

I'm not that little kid again, I can't change the me of back then, but at the same time, I can't change the me of right now.

"Mochi...?" I heard Yoongi's voice snapping me back to reality. I didn't realize I was shaking until now.

Crap, I woke him up, he looked at me concerned.

"Is everything okay, Love?" he asked sweetly.

"Bad Nightmare," I lied and he pulled me on top of him and patted my back as he let me cry on his chest.

"Shh, I'm here love. I'm here. Let it all out," he told me.

Without a second thought, I started sobbing on his chest and I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer to me.

"Don't leave me..." I whispered.

"I will never leave you, Love. How can I live without you? Leaving you is like walking half-dead and without any life in my eyes. You got the best of me, you make me smile. Mochi... you're everything that I could have ever asked," he told me and kissed my forehead.

"I'm so sorry..." I told him.

"Let go back to sleep, Love. You're stressed out, or your thinking too much," he chuckled and kissed my tears away. "I'll always be by your side, okay?"

I felt relieved and hugged him, I started to hear his heartbeats and I drifted to my dreamland once more.