Winter's Hearts

Chapter 44

Loki gave you a warm smile at the expression on your face. He knew you too well and knew you felt the golden city was home. He knew you at least remembered that much. "Come along, Kyrie-love. We must present ourselves to the Allfather, then we can go to Mother to see about your memories," Loki bid you as he led you forward towards the three waiting horses.

You paused and looked up at Loki confused. "Isn't the Allfather your father?" you asked him. You'd caught the distinction that he called Odin 'the allfather' while he called Frigga 'mother'. There was a difference, a distinction, and it seemed important that you understand what it was.

Loki's expression hardened. "Odin is not my father," he snarled. You wanted to take a step back, to back away from his anger, but that wasn't the right course of action.

You stepped closer and cupped his cheek instead, offering comfort from the painful memory. "Lohk?" you asked him softly, gently as he leaned into your touch. He was still so touch and affection starved that he always leaned into your touch anytime you were brave enough to.

Loki sighed heavily. "The Allfather took me from Jotunheim as a pawn for his schemes. He hid what I was for a millennia. He was the one who banished you from Asgard when we were scarcely older than children, in order to protect the secret that I'm Jotun. He tried banishing you again when we found each other again. He prefers to banish his mistakes rather than admit he did any wrong. No matter who gets hurt in the process," Loki paused his rant and sighed again. You wrapped your arms around him, offering him what comfort you could. You could only do so much about painful memories. Especially when you didn't remember any of this yourself. "Mother had to go along with what the Allfather ordered, but she always did her best to make me feel like her true child. And she taught me my magic," Loki added and you could hear the warmth in his tone when he spoke of Frigga. "She has loved me as her own child,"

"That's because you're her son," you reassured him.

He chuckled and pressed his lips to the top of your head. It was an automatic gesture, you knew. He didn't even seem to realize he'd done it. You forgave him the slip. Especially since it wasn't unpleasant.

"We should head to the palace. The sooner we present ourselves to Father, the sooner we can get Kyrie to Mother," Thor reminded you both.

Loki nodded and let you go as you unwound your arms from around him. Loki looked at you and stiffened. "Kyrie, I'm sorry," he said quickly, seeming to realize what he'd done. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I didn't mean- I wasn't trying to push-"

You shook your head. "Don't worry about it, Lohk. It was an automatic gesture. It's fine," you reassured him with a smile and made your way to the horses.

It was clear that the two stallions belonged to Thor and Loki, so you climbed on the mare while you waited for the boys. Thor laughed and mounted the golden stallion while Loki mounted the raven one. With that, the three of you made your way straight to the palace. You didn't remember when you'd learned how to ride a horse, but your body remembered horseback riding and you kept your seat without trouble. The ride to the palace was short and seemed so very familiar as your horse's hooves beat across the rainbow bridge to the golden city. Hostlers took your horses when you arrived and the three of you headed straight for the throne room.

Thor took lead and you and Loki followed him into the throne room up to where Odin sat on the golden throne. Thor stopped before the throne and bowed and you and Loki joined suit, though you saw that the action grated on Loki's nerves and temper. He didn't want to bow to Odin. You didn't blame him with everything he said Odin had put you through.

"My children, rise," Odin ordered you, acknowledging your return. You all did as he said, rising from your bows to face him. The one-eyed man seemed familiar, but so did everything here, so it wasn't particularly helpful. "You have returned early," the words were phrased as a statement, but it was clear it was a question.

Thor inclined his head, taking point since Odin liked him best. "There was an attack on us on Midgard," he explained. "Loki's Valkyrie was harmed beyond our capabilities to heal her. We returned earlier than planned to bring her before Mother." You stayed quiet, listening and observing the interaction. Odin looked you over, seemingly doubting Thor's words, but nodded. "Loki, see to your Valkyrie. Thor, remain here, there are things we must catch up on." You nearly sighed in relief as you and Loki escaped the throne room. You felt the tension leave Loki as well when you were safely away from Odin.

"Come, Kyrie-love, let's go find Mother. She will put this to rights," Loki bid you as he settled your hand back on the crook of his elbow to escort you to the healing wing where his mother ruled as head healer. He sounded more confident now about Frigga's skills than you'd heard him sound since this idea was brought up. Loki pointed out sights around the palace and memories around you as you walked to the healing wing. You didn't remember any of them, but you appreciated the gesture all the same.

You saw Loki's nerves when he came to the double-doors of the healing wing. He took a deep breath and steeled himself before he entered with you at his side. There were two women inside waiting for you. The golden-haired woman in the equally golden gown rushed to Loki to hug him around the neck. He smiled and relaxed and wrapped his arms around her. "Mother, it is good to see you again," he told her warmly.

Frigga leaned up to kiss his cheek. "And you, my son," she turned to you and you couldn't help stiffen in the anticipation of being touched. Frigga was too all-seeing and noted your strange behavior. "What's happened, my darlings?"

Loki hesitated, looking for words.

The other woman approached you, looking concerned. You saw the Valkyrie tattoo on her arm as well. You hadn't acted the way she expected, obviously. She knew something was wrong. "Daughter?" she asked you gently. That's what was wrong. You hadn't greeted her when you saw her. Of course your mother would be upset and concerned that you didn't greet her.

You didn't recognize her either. You tried. It meant so much to her that you remember. So you tried, but you couldn't imagine what your mother looked like.

You saw the heartbreak in her eyes that you didn't recognize her.

She turned to Loki, glaring up at him. "What happened?" she demanded of him. "What has happened to my daughter?"

Loki stayed calm under her glare, though you felt him internalize it, felt him accept her hate. "Kyrie lost her memories saving my life. We went on a mission. It was a trap for us. They threatened to kill me if she did not bring someone back from the dead. Rather than risk her charge, she managed to bring the man back, but lost her memories in the process," Loki explained the facts, his voice dull as he recited what happened in a matter-of-fact way. He turned to address your mother in particular. "You daughter did her duty as a Valkyrie. She saved my life that day,"

He then did something you would never have expected the proud prince to do, and you would have expected it even less if you knew the entirety of his past.

He went to his knees before your mother, bowing his head, anguish rolling off of him. "I am the one who failed. I failed my Valkyrie, I failed your daughter, and worse, I failed my wife. I pray with everything that I am that one day you might both find it in your hearts to forgive me for my failure,"

You couldn't believe that he was on his knees begging your mother for forgiveness for failing to defend you. Even though it was your job to defend him. He would have begged your forgiveness had you been able to remember. Your mother was a Valkyrie as well, that might be why he was begging her forgiveness. That and she was his mother-in-law.

He didn't dare look up at your mother as he waited for her reply.