Ascension

Lorelei

We are supposed to go raid our first Bright camp tomorrow and I have to say I am completely and totally scared. I have been fidgeting with my hands for over a half hour and I am still scared out of my mind.

I haven't had to face the Brights in such a long time. It honest to stars freaks me out that I will be killing some tomorrow. It also doesn't sit well with me about killing the Brights. I know of the horrors the loyal Brights have done to me but that is a living breathing thing and I am heading out tomorrow to go kill some. It's scary.

Indiana has been sitting with me while I've been thinking in here. I hardly even acknowledge he is there though because I am to busy thinking about how every minute I sit here is another minute closer to when I have to kill Brights.

They assigned me a gun last night but I can hardly look at it without feeling queasy. I don't even realize I had started hyperventilating until Indiana comes up behind me and rubs my shoulders and tells me "It's going to be okay Lorelei".

To my discontent I eventually fall asleep. To my content I don't dream. When I wake again I am alone in my tent. Indiana must have gone to bed after I fell asleep. I get up and change into my Uniform. I grab my gun and walk out of my tent.

Usually this close to the swamp there is the buzzing of bugs zipping around but today there is nothing. Nada. Zilch. It's like the world is holding its breath.

Elijah comes up behind me and squeezes my shoulder.

"Are you going to be okay today?" He asks me.

"I don't know Elijah. I can hardly bear to look at my gun. I don't want to be a murderer." I tell him.

I know if I say to much I will be crying soon.

"Hey hey hey, wait a minute, Lore, these people torture innocent people just for the sake of science. They started a war just because we exist. You shouldn't feel this guilty and if it makes you feel better you don't have to shoot to kill." Elijah tells me.

"Thank you Elijah." I nod.

That actually helped me feel better believe it or not. I guess I just had to remember that poor soul who died during the trials and suddenly I can bear to look at my gun again.

It still feels weird though. I will be taking a life later today and I'm not supposed to feel anything afterward. Strange how this works. So strange.

"Are you ready to go and march out to war?" Indiana asks me.

"I'm not entirely sure but if it will help everyone back at the base than I will." I assure him.

Indiana nods at me and leads me to where I get my cantine filled with water. I place a few iodine drops into my water and Elijah does the same. We give Indiana a few because he couldn't get his hands on any.

As we march through the bog my pants get extremely muddy. I allow my annoyance of this to fill my head. I absolutely cannot think about what I'm going to do or else I might lose my nerve.

"Hey Lorelei, do you need me to carry your pack for a while?" Elijah asks me.

"No I'm fine. Why?" I ask.

"Nothing. You just looked like you were swaying a little." Elijah tells me concerned.

"Oh, I will survive." I assure him.

He nods and continues to trudge along in the muddy bog. We have to walk in lines that we can't break. We also almost never sit down to rest our weary legs. Nothing over a whisper is allowed. Mainly this whole thing kind of sucks.

"Do you need me to carry your gun? Because you look like you are going to throw up in the sight of it." Elijah tells me.

"I will survive." I mainly tell myself.

I doubt Elijah believes me right now but he leave well enough alone.

"Hey Elijah are you thinking about what we are about to do?" I ask him.

He takes a minute to answer and for a second I thought he hadn't heard me.

"Of course I do. We are about to shoot real living things for the first time." He says a little disgusted.

"Do you have a sick feeling in your stomach?" I whisper.

"Yes." He admits.

"I keep telling myself we are better than the Brights but maybe that isn't true." I sigh.

"How so?" Elijah asks me.

"We are going to storm their camp and kill them. Doesn't that seem a little inhumane?"

"Lorelei, all of this seems a little inhumane."

I sigh. I guess Elijah is right though. This whole war is over us existing. It's not really our faults we exist. However it is my fault we are on Cambaar/ Jupiter's moon in the first place.

I cannot believe we still don't know where in the universe we are. Like seriously. I bet if I didn't get dragged into fighting and I was able to continue my research on the subject I could figure out where we were but I have to fight.

I would rather be researching the stars right about now.

"You know I really don't like walking in the mud. It gets into our combat boots and I just don't like how it squishes when I step down." I inform Elijah.

Elijah nods amused by my coping mechanisms.

"I don't like mud either. It keeps getting into my pants and it is hard to get out in the laundry." Elijah smiles.

"Oh, well I wouldn't know. This is the first time I'm out in the field." I tell him.

"Oh really. Are you sure? Are you sure you haven't been out in the field in the four days you have been a soldier?" Elijah laughs.

"Hey you two, Lieutenant Commander and Commander. Shush." Silas tells us.

We stifle our laughter a little.