The Everyday Adventures of Sam and Megan (GirlxGirl)

Season 3: Episode 13

| October 1 | Monday Night |

~Sam's POV~

I didn't know where I was going when I left the house, I just knew I needed space. The grip I held on my keys was enough to cut through the skin of my right hand as I tried not to break them. When I got into my car and cranked it to life, I pulled out quickly, still without any sense of direction. Before I could think any further, I found the hidden pack of cigarettes and lit one, taking a long first drag and attempting to calm down enough to figure out a game plan.

The sun was setting over the Gulf, giving the sky a beautiful pink hue as the heat began to settle down. It was serine, but it felt impossible to enjoy. How the hell had everything gone from great to horrid in the matter of months?

I tried to think of the things Dr. Dupree told me during our sessions and attempted to implement them. The negative thoughts stem from feeling abandoned as a child, she claimed in my head. They do not represent who you are now.

But who was I, really? What did I believe in? And what the hell did I really want out of this life?

I ended up at a public parking lot that faced the edge of the water. It was calm today. The sea quite literally looked like a mirror because it was so still. Why couldn't my mind be like that? Why couldn't life just be a little more still?

I hung my arm out of my driver's window and just stared, trying to figure out what I really wanted. Sometimes, I felt as if I never got to really dig deep and figure it out, because let's be real, I didn't think I would make it out of my teens, much less to twenty-two. Now here I was, hundreds of miles away from everything I knew, with a new job and newly engaged to someone who felt ready to foster a child. Would I ever catch up to Megan? Or would I always be ten steps behind?

I knew she was older. I knew she hadn't been through half of the things I had been through, which allowed her to successfully blossom throughout her life. Sure, she had experienced great loss, but that had probably only fueled her to live life to the fullest. We were not the same, and there was a part of me that was starting to believe it would always hold me back from being what she truly needed.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard a familiar voice.

"Sam?" Jade voiced. "What are you doing?"

As strange as it was that she was here, I couldn't even find the will to care about that.

"Just thinking," I confessed.

Jade didn't wait for an invitation. She just simply climbed into the passenger seat of my car, helped herself to one of my cigarettes, and lit it up next to me while rolling down her own window.

"Wanna talk?" she asked.

I had avoided talking to her the other day because I thought I would get a chance to unload on Blair, but she was busy with midterms and I felt guilty for even thinking of stressing her out more. So, I didn't. And Megan was out of the question because the issues I was having pertained to our relationship. Sure, Dr. Dupree was helping, but everything I needed to sort through, I had to do it on my own.

"And for the record," Jade started. "I definitely wasn't stalking you."

I looked at her. "I'll just tell everyone you like long, romantic walks on the beach by yourself."

She just chuckled. "Okay."

I smoked my cigarette slowly as we sat in silence. It wasn't awkward, and it was nice to not be alone, even when I felt like I was.

"I'm starting to think I'll never be enough for Megan," I confessed. "No matter how hard I push myself."

Jade couldn't have possibly predicted what the hell would come out of my mouth, but it didn't seem to shock her. Hell, I could tell Jade had her fair share of crap experiences, so my trivial issues didn't even make her flinch. That's what I liked about her. She was a lot like me, or the old me, which I missed sometimes.