Hunted

Chapter 39: Missing

Rykan's POV:

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains mention of mental health issues, death, addiction and suicide. If this is too much, please skip ❤

I sat at my desk with the maps piled up, red lines and x's covered the places I'd already looked for her, circles symbolized the packs I'd spoken to. I'd looked almost everywhere and I could not find Kora. I'd be more scared she was dead if I couldn't still feel her. It was barely there, almost nothing, smaller than a whisper, but it was still there. She was still alive. I could feel her and I hated what I was feeling. Fear, a lot of fear. Confusion, pain, betrayal...

Betrayal and pain were my fault. I snapped at her. I was the reason she left. If I hadn't been so horrible, she never would've left and then she wouldn't have gone missing. She never would've ran off the territory alone and... Fuck, I didn't even know what exactly happened. But it was my fault. I was the one that pushed her away, hurt her... Goddess, I wanted to punch myself for what I said to her, it was so fucking wrong, it wasn't true. It was like a different part of me took over, an unfamiliar voice screaming out at her with words I didn't mean. I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth until I saw the look on her face, felt how much I hurt her. I still didn't understand how that even came out when it wasn't even close to how I felt about Kora.

My Kora who had been a fucking angel to me, who had been through so much already... I wished someone would beat the shit out of me because I deserved it after the way I treated her. My Luna. My Luna who'd done so good with every single fucking thing thrown at her. She was more than I ever hoped to have in a pack leader. She balanced me; kind when I was harsh, patient when I was impulsive, tender when I was too rough. She was what I needed, what this pack needed, and then I said the most fucked up shit and I could not stop replaying the last things I said to her in my head.

After she was so sick and knocked out that day, I asked Jasmine to look into the pills she was taking. I just wanted to know what was in them, hoping maybe we could come up with something better because seeing her so sick was terrifying. I thought I was going to lose her and I just wanted to find another solution. At first Jasmine couldn't figure out what was in them and even after digging she still didn't understand everything that was in them but there was something she found that I wasn't expecting: tranquilizers.

Once Jasmine discovered the tranquilizers, she understood why it took so long to figure it out. There was a bunch of shit in those pills that were there for one purpose and one purpose only- to hide the tranquilizer that made up most of the medication. It turned out that although there were other things, that was the biggest ingredient. Jasmine said Kora probably had a resistance built up for it but after not taking it for a few days, her resistance went down and it hit her harder when she took it again. Jasmine said Kora feeling sick, the headaches, the shakiness, the nausea, all of those were symptoms of withdrawal.

Withdrawal because apparently my mate took tranquilizers every single fucking day.

I didn't know what to think. I was confused, I tried to ask Jasmine how the hell a tranquilizer could help her health problems and I wasn't ready for her answer.

"A tranquilizer wouldn't help anything she has. Sometimes it's used for depression but she takes an antidepressant and even if it was for depression..." She trailed off and avoided my eyes. She didn't want to say what she was going to say next and I was starting to think I didn't want to hear it. "The dose is high, Alpha," she finally said, shaking her head. "Very high. Unhealthily high. The fact she can take that pill and still function is a testament to her body being used to taking it so much."

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"I'm saying," Jasmine sighed, darting her eyes away and crossing her arms. "There's absolutely no reason for someone to take that much of a tranquilizer unless..."