Hunted

Chapter 48: Balance

I leaned back against a tree and dropped my head in my hands, sliding down to the ground and groaning in frustration. "I suck at this."

"No you don't," Cassie said, sitting down next to me and setting her hand on my shoulder. "You're doing good. Give yourself time. It's still so new for you."

"I can't even do something simple," I said, gesturing to the stupid bucket of water sitting on the ground a few feet away from me. All they wanted me to do was lift it and I couldn't even do that. I'd knocked it over, I'd sent the water flying and splashing Cassie's poor mate, I'd sent it flying across the field and knocking into a tree, but none of those things were controlled.

"You're being too hard on yourself," Francesca said. "These things take time. You're trying to compare yourself to a witch who has been practicing since she was a small child," she said gesturing to Cassie. "She's had extensive training and experience for years. You can't expect to have her level of control in just one day."

"I know," I sighed, bringing my knees to my chest and looking over at the pack-house.

Inside the Blackstone pack-house, Rykan and Addie and Xander were trying to make a plan. They were trying to decide the best course of action and if we should keep me here or take me back to Redwood territory for the inevitable fight. The argument was that if we stayed here, no one would be in Redwood to protect our pack but if we went to Redwood, Scott and Catelyn both knew the territory so well that they wouldn't be at as much of a disadvantage there. It seemed that they were leaning to taking me and the fight there anyway without using the attack and defense methods Catelyn and Scott would know about, but rather coming up with a new plan that seemed to mostly be Addie's idea.

It felt like they were accomplishing way more for this than I was. I'd just spent the last seven hours trying but failing to learn to control my magic.

"I bet you could do with some water," Francesca said. "Would you mind?" She asked Cassie.

"Sure," Cassie nodded, giving me a reassuring smile before getting up and heading to the pack-house.

Francesca crouched in front of me and set a hand on mine. "I know you're frustrated and I'm sure the lingering withdrawal effects aren't helping, but you can do this. I've been stepping back and letting Cassie lead because I know you're still not sure how you feel about me but I think it would do you some good to tap into the other half of yourself, a half you're more familiar with than you realize. Can we try something?"

"Okay," I nodded, starting to stand but she set her hand on my shoulder and shook her head, keeping me down.

"No, there's no need to get up," she said. She adjusted to sit on the ground cross-legged. "You know those threads you feel? The magic?"

I nodded, unable to stop the little bit of bitterness. It was those stupid magic threads that made me accidentally flip over the dining room table earlier today.

"They're not your enemy," she said with an amused smile. "I think the problem here isn't that you're unable to channel those threads and control them, I think the problem is you're holding onto some resentment about where you got those threads."

I sighed and shrugged. I guess that was true. I was still struggling with all the new information but I was trying not to. I could see why my mother and Francesca did what they did, but it didn't mean it didn't still hurt, understandable or not.

"I think the key here is to find a way to be at peace with your mother in some way," she said. "So let's talk about the ways she prepared you for this life without you realizing."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"Do you remember gardening with your mother as a child?" She asked. I nodded and she smiled. "Do you remember what she told you the key to gardening was?"