Metaphors from Mars (Poetry)

...Beloved

03/25/21
~10:28am

Believe it or not
I've told you things I've never told
Anyone else before
Which isn't a lot
I know
I'm working on it
Things between us somethings
Get a little weird
And I can't help but to think about it
I know it seems like I'm avoiding you
Cause I am
Some days my brain is working against me
And I torture myself
And let stupid things get to me
I love you so much sometimes
It aches
When I think about how you're so far away
I hope you don't think anything is wrong
With me
Cause there is
But don't think it has anything to do with you
Cause it doesn't
I'm just a really erratic person
I don't wanna share my feelings
Because I know they're going change
It's really a problem and it makes me feel
Crazy
It makes me paranoid and question everything
When you tell me you love me
I know that it's true
But I can't help to sometimes not believe you
I won't lie
It would be easier if you were here
I could look you in the eyes
And show you what I mean
Show you what I feel
I could tell you
Yeah that's on me for being weird
But what if the words came out wrong
And you misunderstood me
That's my biggest fear
I'd hate to be one
that pushed you over the edge
I'd never forgive myself
And when you say
You don't want to be here anymore
I don't know what to do
I don't know the words to say to you
Of course I want you to get better
And move on from this low point
But would you be the same person
That I loved before
Or will you wake up and realize
You can do better and leave me...
I honestly don't care that much about Gabe
Only that he makes you feel bad
I feel that that makes you worse off
So I'd prefer if he kick rocks
But what I think doesn't matter much
I does make me feel a certain kind of way
When I leave you alone
I know that's my fault but...
And you spent you time talking to other people
Making new "friends"
'Cause right now
At this moment all we have is each other's time
And the talks we have
So when you're talking to other people
Especially those I know want you
It makes me mad
It makes me jealous
I'd prefer to just avoid you
Even though that makes it worse
Because when I say something
And you shrug it off
It makes me mad at you
And I'd hate for it to be that way
I'm trying to be better
But I think I'm making it worse
Sometimes I wanna forget most things
And just enjoy my time with you
I know it's hard sometimes
cause everyone around
And I'm talking to them and I'm talking to you
It's a mess
But I try to talk to you when by mental is best
I'd hate to drag you into one of my bad moods
I don't know what am talking about anymore
I'm literally just rambling
Anyway I hope you don't read this
Even though I want you to
I love you
This rant is dedicated to you
My...