Venus and Rose

Chapter Fourteen: Comfort

It was a huge relief to arrive at the military quarters and finally get away from the crowds and their nasty comments. Rookies were all given temporary residence on the same floor: you and Sasha shared a bunk, while Ymir and Christa shared the second in your room.

All of you were rather quiet upon arrival. Sasha sat on the lower bunk and put her head in her hands as you took off your gear. Once you finished, you kneeled before your sister and gently unstrapped her gear while she looked out the window. Once Christa and Ymir had left to shower and change, Sasha finally spoke.

"I'm so sorry, Venus." Tears started pooling in her brown eyes.

"Why are you saying that, Rose?" you asked and cupped her cheeks concernedly.

"You joined the Scouts because of me, didn't you? I put you through this, and I don't even know why anymore. All those people died for nothing. What was the point of that mission!" Sasha was fully sobbing by the time she finished.

You watched her wonderingly. "Rose... I didn't join because you did, I also wanted to join. After Marco died... I knew I couldn't let any more of my friends die either. No matter what, I will protect you and them. Every titan I kill, means maybe, just maybe I saved another human from being eaten. That's all that matters to me now."

Sasha listened to you, staring hard as if trying to catch you lying. Accepting the truth she sighed and nodded. "I know you too well. Because of that, I also know that you would easily sacrifice yourself to save someone." Sasha desperately clasped your hands with hers. "Please promise that you won't do that, I need you! I can't lose you just because you wanted to save someone else. Please, just...just be a little more selfish, at least for me. I need you-" Her voice cracked at the end as Sasha looked at you with large pleading eyes.

Sure you found little worth in your own life, but the fact that Sasha had figured that out was unnerving. But, perhaps she was right. Maybe it was time you became a bit more selfish, at least enough to put yourself first for once. You sighed along with your realization. "My Rose, I promised to protect you no matter what and I also promised to protect others. But, I hear what you are saying and I promise to you that I will try to do better."

Sasha nodded slowly but kept looking at your clasped hands in her lap. "When you went after those titans...I was so scared. Do you know how many titans you killed, y/n?"

Pursing your lips, you tried to remember but it was such a blur. You could only remember Sasha's instructions and warnings, the feel of your swords in your hands, and the pull of the harness.

"Vee, you killed seven titans in less than five minutes." You had to look her in the eye to check she wasn't kidding, but her expression was that of worried honesty. "I knew the captain wouldn't believe me, he had a hard time believing me when I reported that you killed three on your own." It was a difficult number to believe, but you knew Sasha couldn't lie to you, plus she had gotten a good view of your fight after all. "When you went after the titans, it...it scared me...you scared me. I just didn't recognize you. It looked like you didn't care about all the close calls, Vee there were so many close calls, don't you remember?"

You shook your head. "It's so blurred together, I was only focused on your voice, Rose. It was you who saved me."

"When you came back to me covered in titan blood, I thought at first it was yours!" Sasha's shoulders shook, and her cries turned into sharp gasps. Then you understood why Mikasa wore that horrified expression when she had rejoined you and Sasha; you had even managed to stun the calmest person you knew.

Pressing your forehead against Sasha's, you could feel your eyes burning from unshed tears. It seemed like it had been a long time since you last cried, and even now the tears refused to fall. Now that you thought about it, when did you last cry? You and Sasha had always been free with your emotions, but when did you become so closed off? It was Marco's death you realized. The night of the funeral pyre was the last time you freely cried.