𝐂𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀 | ✔️

26

SAMUEL O'CONNELL

holy shit.

i finally fucking did it.

after all these years, after all these years of me not knowing whether to hate her fucking guts or to not hate her fucking guts.

i still don't know my answer but it's definitely not the first one.

it's never been the first one.

it's the second last day of practice before the big game and i'm pumped.

but how can i practice straight while she's standing there. standing there all perfect while watching all these horny cunts eye her down.

she's not theirs to watch.

i'm ready for school and i walk downstairs to the kitchen where my mom, siblings and cecilia are talking.

i've barely spoken to cecilia since the kiss. it's been awkward i don't know how long this will go on.

"goodmorning sammy!" my mom greets happily and pulls me in to kiss my forehead.

i know she's still hurting, it's obvious. my father hurt her so much that it pains me to see my mother this hurt.

"morning." i reply and avoid cecilia.

i pour some cereal and a glass of water.

i eat my breakfast in silence while my mother and cecilia talk, nate is just eating doing nothing and em is on her phone. it's still awkward with me and cecilia what?!

"i'm headed to work. i won't be home until late so make sure em and nate go bed early." she orders me. "ba-bye!"

nate and em follow her out the door, i wave and cecilia waves until it's left with just us. just. us. alone. together.

the only sound crowding the house is the clinging of spoons on our plates. it's so silent yet so loud.

"so..." she suddenly trails as she avoids eye contact. i do the same.

i ignore her remark and continue eating my breakfast.

she scoffs. "is this how it's gonna be?"

i continue to ignore her and continue my breakfast.

she scoffs once more. that's like her signature fucking thing ain't it?

she dials a number on her phone and puts it on speaker.

the sound of her friend mandy says, "heyyyy!"

"hey mandy, do you have a spare bedroom that i could use for tonight?"

"yes! duh!" she says enthusiastically.

oh my god. i stand up and pick the phone up. "no. you don't have a spare bedroom. goodbye." i answer coldly and hang up.

"what the fuck samuel!?" cecilia yells at me. "i need a place to stay!"

"you have a fuckin' place to stay." i yell back.

"i'm not staying somewhere where i'm not wanted." she snaps at me.

"you are wanted!"

"i'm wanted by everyone but you!" she yells. "go fuck yourself."

"who said i don't want you?!"

"you're actions do."

"because i'm confused!"

"confused about what?!" she asks yelling and i grow silent. she steps closer to me. "huh?"

i ignore her again before i say something i regret.

"you think i'm not confused? let's pull out my list of confusions shall we." she explains and sits on a chair close to me. "my childhood best friend who i very much wouldve killed for ghosted me after my mother died, my father abused me every living breathing second after that until sunday when i found out he was a sex trafficker along with his friends who raped me atleast three times a week since i was 11, and then you kissed me the day after he got taken away and you're confused over a mother fucking kiss? grow the fuck up samuel o'connell."

she explains, her voice breaking and trembling at every word she says. it pains her to talk like this and believe that her life is harder than most people in our town have it. she wants to believe that people have worse things to deal with. she's now drowning in her own tears as she completely breaks down and can't talk. she places her elbows on the counter and buried her head in her palms.

i thought i had my life hard because my dad cheated on my mom. my life is a fairytale when she words it like that.

fuck this girl is only 18.

"and my uncle-" she continues and stops herself as she gasps.

what about her uncle?

"cecilia?"

she breaks down even more. i don't know how to comfort people yet i feel like i need to comfort her. i shuffle closer to her, pull her to my chest and rest my chin on her head all while resting my hand on her hair.

she doesn't deserve this.