A Coalition Story

Giving Up

A constricting grip took hold of Ravyn's wrist, sharply pulling her to Lev.
"Trying to avoid me, are you?" he chuckled, looking down at his fiancée with dark eyes. She looked up blankly, bags under her sad eyes.
"I don't care, Lev. So no, I'm not trying to do anything." His grip faltered for a few moments, but Ravyn didn't use the advantage to escape. She stood there, staring at him with the same emptiness in her eyes.
"You're not going to threaten me? No fighting? I'm disappointed, baby girl." It did seem, truly, that Lev was disappointed. He had mentioned before how he liked her angry, so maybe this was the best revenge she could give: apathy.
"You're pitiful, Ravyn, truly. I expected more from you."
A thousand comebacks raced through her head, but none of them mattered enough for her to say. She didn't expect him to be a rapist. She didn't expect him to be violent. She didn't expect him to be heartless.
And yet here she was, engaged to a monster. Except she didn't care. She no longer had a fight left in her.
Ravyn had lost her best friend, her safe space, her closest confidante, her escape from life. She'd lost Ace. And maybe it was for the best. He wouldn't be able to rescue her from this whole mess.
"Hm, no smart reply. You're a mess; what a disgrace," Lev scoffed, dropping her wrist. "I much prefer it when you're fighting a battle you'll never win."
Usually, his cruel smirk would have antagonized Ravyn even more than his words, but she didn't see the point in it anymore. She was stuck with him for life at this point. May as well become compliant now rather than later.
"I'm never gonna win, Lev, so I've stopped fighting. It's that simple," she sighed, shrugging her slim shoulders.
"I've broken you already? You're even easier than I thought. Where's the fun in our marriage going to be now?" Lev cooed, brushing the side of her face with the back of his hand. Ravyn didn't pull away from him.
"Can I go? I have a class."
"Asking for permission? You really have given up. Go, if you must, and find some of your anger while you're at it. You're no fun like this."
Lev shoved Ravyn away roughly, leaving her stumbling backwards as he brushed right past her. If she hadn't had her killer balance from so much training, she would have fallen. She wanted to fall, but her body knew not to fall.
"Twelve days," was the whispered threat as he left. And she just wanted to fall even more.

////

Truth be told, Ravyn didn't have class. But she didn't want to deal with Lev, or anyone, at that point. Torin had talked with her for hours the night before, trying to get her to have some faith in herself and Atticus. That and he tried to convince her she was in love with Ace. As fun and good as that would be, Ravyn wasn't so sure it was the truth.
He was the most important person in her life, but how were they going to fix any of this in twelve days? Two weeks had already passed without any change, two weeks since she and Ace had stopped talking. Two weeks since she had screwed herself over for life.
Ravyn missed her best friend. Her heart physically ached when she thought about what she'd done to him. She nearly sobbed at the thought of never getting him back. She just couldn't imagine a life without her Atticus.
And maybe those were all signs of love, but Ravyn wasn't sure they were for her. She wasn't sure if she wanted them to be. Atticus didn't need her dragging him down, especially if she ended up marrying Lev. She couldn't risk him ending up like her mom and her mom's unnamed boyfriend. She couldn't let him end up dead. And maybe that was what loving him meant.
Anyways, Atticus deserved a life without all of Ravyn's issues with boys and family. Her dad was marrying her off on her eighteenth birthday, her estranged father that never cared about her. Her uncle only encouraged this union. Her aunt, the main mother figure in Ravyn's life, had been trying to help her find a dress, but Ravyn didn't care enough about anything. Life had become meaningless.
So, yeah, she was probably in love with her best friend. It was weird to think, but Ravyn knew her subconscious had known this for months. It was her conscious self that didn't. But Ravyn didn't want to do anything about it. Well, she knew she couldn't do anything without it. She couldn't put Ace's life at risk. Ravyn would rather suffer abuse and an early death that risked him dying. He deserved so, so much better than the Coalition or she in her current situation could ever give him. So she was going to ignore her feelings and marry Lev.
Yeah, falling and hitting her head and going into a coma sounded great right about then.