To Touch Heaven

you

i see you

not just in the notifications

i see you when i sleep

it's heartbreaking

i know youll read this so here's what i have to say

the other day i dreamed you died

the first nightmare ive had in years

i held your dead body and i screamed and cried

before that night i thought i hated you

ever since then im overwhelmed with missing you

i have a therapist now

i told him about you

he tells me to think of our separation like a breakup

you know i don't handle those well

this doesn't feel like a breakup tho

it feels like a mistake

im crying as i write this

i miss you

i want to reach out and start over

from the beginning,

whenever we tried again we tried to jump right in

but i wonder,

would it even matter if we started over

or would it end the same

i miss you

i miss how we were

and even if it's not the same would it work?

i know they hate me

and you know that they hate you

but i don't care

you were my support system

then you left

im not mad anymore

im hurt

you never told me why

to me i saw you abandoning me like everyone else and i died inside

you remember that night you locked your keys in your car?

i told you that we would always have each other

and now we dont

i really want that again

i dont know if you do or not

and it's okay if you dont

but i had to say my peace and i am

i miss my best friend, i miss everything about you, the flaws and the positives i miss all of you and it kills me. we said we were the equivalent to best friend soulmates, i was your favorite sister and you were mine. i miss you and i think i always will

i love you buddy pal

always

i dont know if you have read this or not yet but I've unblocked you, I mean it I miss you. I find myself wanting to drive across the world just to see you again to tell you all of this. I feel like part of me is missing since you've been gone and I just had to tell you, I'm sorry... for everything