An Echo in the Wind

Chapter 30

She goes off to her room after what feels like hours of arguing. We got nowhere. I didn't even dare to tell her Derek was getting out of prison, that would only make everything worse. I massage my head, a migraine coming on. I need sleep. 

I trudge upstairs and tuck the boys into Austin's bed. Before I leave, Austin whispers, "Are we going to be okay Eckie?"

I nod glad for the darkness that conceals my red eyes and tear stained cheeks, "Sure we are buddy. I promise. We'll figure it out."

I fall asleep on my bed without even taking off my clothes or getting underneath the blankets. 

In the morning, I bring Gabriel to a daycare in town and go off to school, plugging my phone in while I drive. I forgot to charge it last night, luckily I have a car charger. When I arrive at school, I turn my phone on and freeze. Shit. 

9 texts from Shade.

3 missed calls from Shade.

I go through the texts and voicemails. I totally stood him up. He's going to be so upset with me. Crap.

When I see him by his locker, I rush up to him but as soon as he sees me, he walks the other way and gets lost in the crowd of people. He ignores me at lunch and in class too. 

So when the bell rings, I drive straight to his house. Only his car is in the driveway, his family must not be home. 

I knock on the door until he answers. He just stares at me with a blank expression on his face, "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you. Please." I beg him. 

He bites the inside of his cheek and motions for me to come in. We stand by the kitchen, staring at each other before he says, "Well? What do you want to say?"

"I want to say sorry. I'm so sorry for standing you up. I would never have done it on purpose. There was just a lot going on last night. I was having an emotional breakdown. And my phone died. I totally forgot. Please, let me make it up to you," I tell him sincerely. 

He huffs angrily, "You know, I'm getting really sick of all the stuff you have going on Echo. There's always an excuse for everything. You never take responsibility for anything. I wish you'd just tell me the truth for once. Where were you really last night? Taking care of your brother? Arguing with your mom? Huh? No one makes you do all that stuff, you do it yourself because you're a control freak. You want everything your way."

His words pierce my heart like daggers. I open my mouth but he snaps harshly, "No. I'm not done. You hurt me Echo. And you don't even care. You just want forgiveness so you can feel better about yourself and then go on and do it all again. You only care about yourself. You never put me or our friends first. It's always about you, and your feelings. Carly and Kevin got into a fight the other day. I bet she didn't even tell you. You know why? Because she knew you wouldn't listen and wouldn't care. We're always there for you, but when we need you, you just try to make it about yourself."

I wince at his words. He's right. Carly didn't tell me. I'm a horrible friend. I never meant to be that way. I didn't realize I was doing that to them. I really am selfish. I'm a bad friend and bad girlfriend. I've never had friends before- no. There I go again trying to make excuses. I dig my nails into my palms trying to stop myself from crying. 

He lowers his voice barely above a whisper, the pure hurt evident in his every word. He's not angry anymore, just broken, "Do you know what I had planned for last night? I was going to bring you to a cliff, my favorite spot to go when I wanted to be alone. I went there after school and set up lights and a blanket for a picnic. I even got a suit."

He looks down, "I was going to tell you I loved you. I had it all planned out. It was going to be perfect."

A tear escapes from my eyes and I squeeze them shut. "I'm so sorry Shade. Really, I'm really sorry. I had no idea."

He looks up at me, sadness in his eyes. He walks into the kitchen and grabs a plate. I look at him, confused, as he holds it out for me, "Drop it on the floor."

I take the plate but hold it still, "What? Why?"

"Drop it onto the floor," he commands.

Hesitantly, I do as he says, watching it break into pieces. I look up at him. He nods, "Now put it back together."

I kneel down and try to put it back together. It just looks like a broken circle of porcelain when I'm done. I look up at him, "I can't."

"Tell it your sorry."

"I'm sorry," I say to the plate, wondering where he's going with all of this.

I look up at him and he says, "Is it back together now?"

I shake my head and he continues, "That's right. When you break something, you can say sorry. You can try to put the pieces back together. But it'll never be the same. It'll never go back to how it was originally. Some things can't be put back together, hard as you try. Sorry doesn't fix everything Echo."

A sob escapes from my mouth. He looks away from me. I take that as my cue to leave. I get up quickly, putting my hand over my mouth, not releasing my cries until I get into my car and drive off towards home. I let loud sobs out my entire way home. 

What have I done? The one person that I was happy with for the first time in forever is gone. And it's all my fault. I'll never be anything more than alone. Good things just don't happen to me. I've hurt everyone around me. I can't fix it.

I grab Gabriel from daycare and set him in front of the television. I lay on the couch, unable to control my sobs from filling the whole house. Gabriel tries to comfort me, snuggling against me. I hug him tightly keeping him close. Austin joins in when he gets home. He doesn't ask any questions, just laying with me until we all fall asleep. 

In school the next day, I avoid everyone like the plague. I sit alone at lunch. After school, I approach Sophie and Carly, "Shade probably told you guys what happened."

They nod and Carly says, "Yeah. And we don't blame you. For anything. Everyone has bad days. Don't feel bad."

"I'm still sorry. I know it doesn't make it better or fix anything. But I still am. I know I've been a bad friend. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't talk to me about your fight with Kevin. I don't mean to be selfish. I didn't realize I was doing it. I'll be better. I will. You don't have to care, or do anything. I'm just sorry." 

I turn to walk away but Sophie pulls me back, "It's okay Echo. We're not mad at you. We just didn't want to burden you with Carly's fight because we know you have a lot going on with your brother. We do think you're a good friend. Do bad friends let us dress them up? Do bad friends go out of their way to get Carly a signed copy of her favorite album just because she had mentioned wanting it?"

I smile as I think back to that day. Carly was talking about how she wanted this special copy of The Beetles album but it was in a shop over 3 hours away and her mom wouldn't let her get it. She was so sad about it that I went up the next day to get it for her. It made her so happy. 

Carly nods in confirmation, "I won't lie, sometimes it's a bummer not to be able to talk or hang out with you when you're busy, but we get it. You have family stuff to do. That doesn't make you a bad person. Or a bad friend. Shade's just upset. He'll get over it."

"You guys are too easy on me," I chuckle lightly, "I'm just gonna lie low for a little while. I don't want to bother you guys at lunch or anything. Shade needs space, and I have to give that to him. I don't want to involve you two."

They give me a sad smile as I walk off to go back home. 

I guess some wolves are just meant to be alone.