Maxine Nelson • heartstopper ff

14. permission

Max POV

I slumped on my desk in form and tried so hard not to fall asleep. I hadn't slept all night. The argument last night had lingered in brain and it was still affecting me.

"Max, I know it's the last day for year 11's but that doesn't mean you can fall asleep on the table," I heard my form tutor say.
"sorry," I mumbled and lifted my head onto my fits so it would keep upright.
"hey are you ok?" Elle asked. She was sat next to me.
"yeah," I lied.
"you sure?" She asked.
"oh I'm absolutely brilliant," I said.
"Ok, now your 100% faking it," Tara said from behind us.
"I'm just tired, " I said.
"well, you have to stay up all day because we have that meeting about the Paris trip," Darcy said.
"I knowwwww, it's just my brother was saying a load of shit about me being gay last night," I said.
"Nick?" Elle asked confused.
"No, David. My mum and Nick were sticking up for me." I explained. "But he came into my room and asked me why I was gay and stuff...and when he found out. He hit me," there were tears now tricking down my face so I ran out of the classroom.

I heard the shouts of my teacher calling my name but I ignored them. I ran out of the school and hid by the building wall. I felt my breathing start to increase. I couldn't stop it. My body was shaking and my face was covered in tears. It was my fault. Why did I put the stupid thing on my story. I mean why was I even a lesbian. Why couldn't I be straight and normal like everyone else. Why did I have to be different. I mean I do like girls and I know I could never date a guy but...I don't know.

•••

I felt really dizzy. I couldn't focus and I had to hold onto the side.
"Max, Max" I heard a familiar voice say.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Hey, we're all here, Me, Elle and Tara." The same voice said. I knew it must be Darcy.
"Are you ok dear?" Another voice said. It was a school nurse.
"Yeah...I'm fine," I said. She handed me a cup. It had water in it.
"Thanks," I said and she left.
"For the record, your brother sounds like a dick," Elle said.
"Yeah...he's not the best," I said.
"How long is he in town?" Tara asked.
"I have no idea," I said.
"Well, you have to be there as least as you can. After school today we can go out and then meet your mother and Nick at the meeting thing," Darcy suggested.
"Yeah, ok. Let me text her," I said.
"No need, we kinda already told her and she was fine with it. She thought it would be a good idea," Tara said.

After school, we went into town. We bought a load of snacks and drinks and went to sit in the park.
"So, what should we do on the Paris trip?" Darcy asked.
"Well...we can explore the country...kiss in the Eiffel Tower," Tara started.
"That sounds amazing!" Darcy said.
"Ok, ok well I was thinking maybe I could talk to Tao...and maybe ask him out," Elle said.
"Omg! Yes you have to!" Tara said.
"What about you Max?" Darcy asked.
"I'm not sure...I want to enjoy it though, it'll be nice to go somewhere different," I told them.
"Yes! I totally agree. Also...who wants some sour patch kids?" Elle asked offering the packet around. I took one and ate it.
"You can have more than one," Elle told me.
"I'm ok," I said.

"Hey, Max, you ok?" Someone asked.
"Huh?" I said slowly turning my head.
"You zoned out," Tara said.
"Oh," I said quietly.
I shivered slightly.
"You ok?" Darcy asked.
"Yeah, just cold," I said.
"Have my hoodie," Elle said grabbing something out of her bag.
"I can't-"I started.
"Nonsense, I always have a spare," Elle told me.

We made our way back to the school and I met mum and Nick. Charlie was also there with his friends Tao and Issac. We went to sit in the hall and got ready for the meeting.

"Ok, the trip to Paris will be from the 28th June - 4th July," the teacher said.

I had zoned out but then I heard something filter through my mind.
"There will be girls in one room and boys in another, and no mixing," another teacher said.

I noticed Tara and Darcy and Nick and Charlie look at each other and I laughed to myself.

After the presentation, Tara went to sign us up for a room. Tao had gone from the boys group.
"You still haven't told him?" Issac asked.
"What are you talking about?" I asked turning around in my chair.
"Oh, we still haven't told Tao we're going out," Charlie said.
"What!" Elle asked. "Charlie he's your best friend,"
"Yeah, I know but I promise I'll tell him in Paris," Charlie said.

Tara came back and gave us the sheet. "Us four are in a room however we have another person," She said.
"Who is it?" Darcy asked.
"Imogen," Tara answered. I felt my face turn bright red.
"Ooooo," Darcy said tickling me.
"What?" I asked.
"Max had a crush! Max has a crush!" Darcy said.
"Will you shut up!" I whisper-shouted at her.
"What's wrong with you?" Nick asked me.
"Nothing!" I said. I felt like my face was still red.
"It's not nothing! Max has a crus-" Darcy started.
"Shhhhhh!" I said.
"Ooooo, who is it?" Issac asked putting down his book.
"No one!" I said. They all turned to Darcy.
"Itsssss..." Darcy started.
"Lalalalala," I said loudly putting my hands near my ears.
"Oh c'mon, having a crush isn't that embarrassing," Charlie said.
"Charlie, your a fine one to talk, you seem to have a crush on everyone you see," Tao said.
"Wow, thanks Tao for the helpful support,"  I said sarcastically.
"Anyways...who is it?" Elle asked.
"Fine...it's-" I started and before I could say her name Darcy said it for me.
"Ooo interesting," Nick said.
"Oh shut up!" I said.