Our Father

Chapter 15

Miles led the doctor into his mother's bedroom.
"Hey mom. The doc's here" he told her gently.
"Right" she sat up and wiped her damp cheeks "Thanks Miles. Come on in Doc" she smiled.
"You don't need to put on a brace face for us" Peter assured her.
"Miles you can go" Grace smiled at him.
"I was there the first time it happened, I'm here now" he assured her.
"I didn't cut myself last night. I got close, so I called doctor Sampson. I'm an adult I can sort my own mess out. Go. I won't break if you leave" she assured him. Miles reluctantly left the room, closing the door behind him.
"So. What happened?" Peter asked as he took a seat next to her on the bed.
"Silas. The kids. The kids hating Silas. I broke down. That's it" she shrugged, resting her chin on her knees.
"What happened?" He repeated.
"I slept with Silas and the kids found out. We went away for the weekend and the kids figured out that we went away together, they threw a party and it all ended badly" she wiped a tear from her cheek.
"I heard about the party" he nodded.
"Everything I have done is for my kids. I gave Silas up when he cheated to protect the kids and we were fine for a while. He came back and then everything goes pear shaped" she sighed deeply.
"So why did you pick up the blade last night?"
"Because I needed something tangible. With everything falling down around me I needed something, anything-"
"So you chose to cut?"
"It helped last time. It got me back on track. It made me want to get out of bed every morning. It was my rock bottom" she explained.
"Miles got you out of bed. It was the cutting that made you realize he was helping. Loosing the baby wasn't your fault" he told her making her groan.
"Don't say that" she squeezed her eyes shut.
"Your body couldn't carry another child. Its heart stopped-"
"It was a girl. Maddie"
"Maddie's heart didn't form properly, you couldn't control that" he assured her.
"Of course it was my fault. I carried her. I created her. I made Silas cheat because I couldn't bare for him to touch me" she groaned.
"You couldn't control any of that"
"Yes but I could've got myself out of bed. I could've raised my kids instead of leaving it all on Miles shoulders" she cried.
"You needed help, you were struggling. Miles wanted to support you. You are a good mother" he assured her.
"Then why was I sleeping with the man that hurt them? Why can't I stop thinking about him?" She cried.
"Because soulmates are forever, and you've found home with Silas. No one else shares memories of your lives together. He's connected to you in a way no one else will ever be. You'll always love him, even a little bit" he told her.
"I wish I didn't" she cried harder her head falling onto his shoulder.

Flashback:
Grace sat in the diner with her children enjoying milkshakes.
"I wanted to talk to you about what's going to happen now, with me and your dad" Grace told them.
"Is it about why dad left a few weeks ago?" Poppy asked.
"Yes it is" Grace nodded.
"Are you getting divorced?" Archer asked.
"Yes we are. But your dad is still going to see you and he'll bring you presents on your birthdays and at Christmas" she assured them.
"He hasn't called since he left" Miles reminded her.
"He will. We all just need some time to adjust. Your dad will be back for Christmas" she assured them.
"Why can't you stay together?" Alex frowned.
"It's complicated baby. Your dad and I are having a hard time and it's better if we stay apart" she told them.
"Do we have to pick what parent we want to live with like Jamie did?" Oliver asked.
"No baby. You'll stay with me and your dad will come and visit and he'll call. Everything is going to stay the same" she assured them.
"But daddy won't be here" The ten year old Alex frowned deeply.
"I know it's going to be hard to get used to but we will. It's for the best" she assured them with a kind smile "Now who wants ice cream" she smiled brightly.
"Me!" Alex shouted.
"And me!" Oliver shouted.
"And me!" Archer shouted.
"Me too!" Poppy shouted. Miles reached across the table and squeezed his mom's arm lightly, giving her a small smile.

Grace sat in the garden her easel in front of her, her hand drifting of its own accord across the canvas.
"I don't think you've ever painted anything so... revealing before" Silas's voice startled her. She looked at the canvas, she had painted a couple, the woman was naked in the man's arms and his shirt was open.
"My mind was wandering, my hand had a mind of its own" she shrugged putting her brush down.
"Where exactly did your mind wander?" He smirked over her shoulder.
"No where significant" she shrugged his hands away from her shoulders.
"Can we talk?"
"Last time you said that we ended up naked, I'm not in the mood for that"
"I thought we could talk about the kids"
"Poppy will be angry and give me the silent treatment for a week. Archer, Oliver and Alex are fine. Miles is already talking to me but not about him and Chloe but that's just because he heard me..." Grace drifted off, not wanting to give too much away.
"Heard you what?"
"It doesn't matter" she muttered.
"What happened last night after you closed your door Gracie?"
"Nearly the same thing that happened the last time you left. I was stupid and Miles heard it all again. That's why he protects me" she told him.
"What happened the last time I left?"
"Don't push it. Please" she begged.
"Gracie what happened?" He asked again stepping closer to her. Grace rose from her chair, walking further away from him, her tears flowing.
"Don't. Please, don't" She begged.
"Gracie! Stop" Silas grabbed her arm, pulling her to face him. He took in her wet cheeks and his heart broke, seeing the woman he loved in so much pain "What happened to cause you so much pain?" He asked wiping her tear stained cheek.
"The scar in the crook of my leg. It wasn't an accident. I cut myself on purpose after you left the first time, I almost did it again last night" she managed to get out through tears "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Grace cried falling into his arms. Silas was stunned to silence, he held Grace close as she let her pain out.
"I'm so tired. I just want to know what I'm doing is right. I feel like I'm messing everything up" she cried harder into his chest. Silas picked her up, her legs wrapping themselves around his waist as he carried her back into the house. He carried her all the way to her bedroom, sitting her on the edge of her bed he began undressing her.
"Si, I'm not in the mood for sex"
"I'm not going to fuck you, I'm going to hold you" Grace stayed silent, watching as he gently undressed her, replacing her clothes with one of his old shirts. He tucked her in, kicking off his shoes before he got into bed behind her, his arm wrapping around her waist, holding her close.
"I'm okay you don't have to stay" she told him, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
"I know your not" he whispered, turning her face towards him, he kissed her gently.