I'm terrified to be terrified
My family is full of generations of women
Strong, intelligent,
Warrior women.
I want to make them proud
Be them
Successful, despite
Rich, despite
Powered through
A saint
I'm terrified I'll never be that
I don't want to be that
I want to care for myself
Take breaks
I don't want success
I want comfort,
I want happiness
Not to die young of stress related disease
Live a life of depression, anxiety, eds, sh
All to look good on paper
I'm terrified I'll never be capable
Never have the executive function to succeed
I'll never be who you want me to be
I'm terrified I'll never be happy
Because the inner conflict
Of your perceived dislike of my choices
They'll haunt me all my life
I feel less than for choosing me
Because you chose me, instead of you
I hate myself every day
For lacking the strength you have
For being selfish
Neurodivergent
Mentally ill
Success and money
I don't ever want that for myself,
But you want it for me
You can't tell me
You are "doing it for me"
you want me to "live comfortably"
without having to overwork myself
"freedom" to do a job I want
Live the life "I want"
Whilst simultaneously telling me
Telling me to do the same thing
Telling me "never to rest"
How to live
You're all words
Children mirror behaviour
Actions speak louder than words
Putting yourself first would be best.
Not a selfish action,
Put yourself first so you can be happy
Be home more
Listen more
Show me what you think is important
Because all I'm seeing now
Is that success and proving yourself
Is more important than preserving you
And this family
You're trying to equip me to do big things
Without teaching me how to do small ones first
How will I ever rule the world?
If I can't even ask for ketchup?
By o.p.
Productivity culture affects people's mental health greatly and it's never spoken about.
