Never The Same

Chapter Three

We couldn't stay in the bathroom forever, and I knew that. No matter how much I wanted to sit there with Jenna, I had to go to my next class. I needed to accept what was happening, even if I didn't want to. And I knew I'd be okay, eventually.

The bell rang and we both got up. I wiped away my tears for the last time and took a deep breath. I wanted to keep crying, but I knew I had to stop. I turned to the right and Jenna went left. My body tensed as I walked to gym. I couldn't help looking around at people. I knew I was paranoid. And I knew it wouldn't stop.

I went outside and waited for the teacher with a few other students that were older than me. It felt weird just standing there awkwardly. They were all seniors, and I was a junior. It wasn't much of a difference, but I still was one of four students that weren't seniors.

We walk down to the track and I saw Luke out of the corner of my eye. He was playing soccer with his gym class, which looked like all seniors. I pretended not to notice him. He stops the ball with his foot and just looks at me. Some girl goes towards him and kicks the ball away from underneath his foot. He stopped looking at me and walked away.

We had a choice to play soccer with the other class or jog the track. I was one of the very few that decided to run, but I didn't care. I had too many different thoughts to care about anything else. So many things running through my mind. I tried to think of something else as I started running slowly.

I remember when I was little, I used to play hide-and-go-seek with the neighbors. Our oldest neighbor, Katie, was in charge and made all of the rules, but we didn't really mind. We all got along pretty well.

"Okay guys," Katie said. "I'm going to count to ten. Y'all are to go and hide. Once I'm done, you can move at your own risk. You hear?"

We all nodded our heads and got ready to run.

Katie was a take-charge kind of girl. She was born in Texas, but then moved to St. Helena, California when she was ten, with her younger brother and father.

"Ten, nine, eight," Katie counted down. We all ran away, trying to find a spot where she wouldn't be able to find us, but we still stayed close enough to hear her. "Five, four, three..."

I ran to the willow tree, in the far away part of the yard. The leaves hung over the side of the tree, enough to cover me while I climbed up. I grabbed the branch, ready to go up, but then I heard a voice.

"Can I come too?" It was Katie's brother, Asher. "I was going to hide with Carter, but he had run off and now I can't find him."

I nodded my head and he helped me up. I pulled myself to the branch and held on tightly. I heard footsteps come our way and I put one finger to my mouth to shush Asher. He pinched his fingers together and brushed them against his lips.

"One more thing," Katie shouted. "The safe spot is the sand pit, just in case y'all forgot."

My heart was racing, and my head was packed with all of the different ways I could get to the safe spot. It was the only place where you didn't have to run. It was the only place your heart felt at peace.

I realized that I was running faster than when I started, but I wasn't going anywhere, because there are no safe spots, no hiding places. All I can do is run.

I peeked through the leaves and saw Katie making her way to the front yard. Two boys that were hiding behind the raspberry bushes started to jog over to the sand pit, but Katie turned around and tagged them. They made their way to the back porch, which was considered the jail.

I slowly found my way to the ground and got ready to run. Katie was far out of my sight. I took a deep breath in and ran as fast as I could.

And now I was sprinting. I was sweating too. There was this awful feeling in my stomach, I felt sick. But I had to keep running. And nothing would stop me.

I saw it in front of me, the sand pit was right there. I ran until I reached it, faster every step. Then I finally felt the cool, gritty feeling of sand beneath my bare feet.

There was nothing in front of me. Nothing to run to. That's what I felt like I needed, a place to go to. A place that is safe. But nowhere is safe anymore.

My legs were shaking. I made my way to the soccer goal and leaned against it. I couldn't see the people that were in front of me. Everything was blurry. I stumbled when I tried to make my way across the soccer field towards Luke, to the gym teacher.

"Ellie?" It was Luke. "Ellie? Can you hear me? Are you okay?"

He was too far away. I tried to get closer, but when I took I step forward, I tripped and hit my head against the ground. I didn't try to get up, but I did open my eyes to see Luke run over to help me.

"Keep her awake," I heard the gym teacher yell.

I looked at her as she was pulling out her phone and calling 911. I blinked to try and clear my vision, but everything only became darker and darker.

"Ellie," Luke screamed. He put his arms around me. "Stay with me, please."

I stayed awake for as long as I could, but eventually everything faded away. I closed my eyes, but I still heard the people around me.

"Ellie," he was shaking me now. "Wake up, wake up Ell."

The ambulance came and I could see a glimpse of what they were doing. They put a nebulizer over my mouth to help me breathe. Four people lifted me onto a stretcher.

"Stay with us," one nurse said. "Don't fall asleep, please."

"Sir, you can't come with us. Only family," another guy said to Luke.

"Ell. Is she okay?" He grabbed my hand.

"She should be fine, but you have to stay back."

"Please don't go." Luke sounded like he was crying, but I didn't know for sure. I didn't understand why, because we just met today.

They put me in the ambulance and shut the door, but I couldn't make it any longer. I closed my eyes and didn't open them again.