Never The Same

Chapter Eleven

I held my books tightly as I walked down the hall with Jenna. She was constantly talking about her cousin's sixteenth birthday party. I felt bad that I was in a daze and wasn't hearing much of what she had to say. I just nodded my head and faked the tiniest smile. I knew it wouldn't be long before she noticed.

"Are you alright," she asked.

"Yeah, I'm great," I responded quickly and enthusiastic.

I tried to keep it to myself for as long as I could, I never wanted people to know there was something wrong. I looked at her in the eyes, took a deep breath, and gave her the biggest smile that looked genuine. She smiled back, but then she sighed, as if she knew I was keeping something from her.

I saw Luke at his locker. He was looking in his backpack for something. I watched him as I walked by and he turned back to see one of his buddies. He didn't even glance at me. I was nonexistent to him. Part of me hopes he hasn't forgotten me completely.

I looked away from him and tried to avoid Jenna noticing me as well. I didn't want her to see the water gathering in my eyes. I didn't want her to see my pain. And most of all I didn't want to accidentally mention my late night call.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Actually, I'm feeling a little sick." I thought I was lying, but then my stomach twisted, and immediately I knew I wasn't.

"Oh, I'll take you to the nurse."

"No, no that's...I'm good. I don't need to go."

"Ellie, please just let me help you."

I closed my eyes and saw the eternal darkness in my head. It was only for a moment, but I saw the absolute nothingness of it all. It was never ending. And when I opened my eyes, it was still dark.

I opened the door and entered my room. It was pitch black, so I couldn't see a thing. I heard someone sobbing. The only person it could be was Emma. I called out her name and the sound of crying faded. I turned on the light to see my little sister hiding beneath the covers.

"Emma," I whispered gently so I wouldn't frighten her. "Please let me help you."

She popped her head out and I could see she was crying for a long time. Her face was puffy and covered with red blotches. She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and sniffled a tiny bit.

"Is it him," I asked. She nodded her head slightly.

I climbed into bed with her and put my arm over her shoulder. She rested her head upon my shoulder as she wept again. I felt the deep and quick breaths she took when she began to calm down.

"He's scaring me Ellie. I don't know what to do."

"Let me help you."

"How? I can't, he'll hurt you too."

"But I'll be okay. You know what I'm not okay with? I'm not okay coming home to you like this. I want to help you, please just let me."

"Fine, but once things get really bad, it's my turn to help you."

"Sounds like a deal."

Emma sat up and reached for the remote on her nightstand. She turned on the television and changed it to our favorite channel. I looked at the clock and Emma did too. It was 9:58.

"The new episode of Lost In L.A is on in two minutes," she squealed. "Are you ready for this?"

"Oh, I am so ready."

Lost In L.A is one of the most funny reality television series there is. It's also one of the most stupidest and most boring television shows of all time. But I guess it depends on how you look at it. Emma and I stumbled upon it one night while home alone. We ordered pizza and the delivery man saw us watching it, then joined us on the couch and watched it with us. We laughed throughout the entire show, and that's when we knew that it was our favorite. That's also when we knew to always request Rick, the pizza delivery man.

The show title comes on along with the show's motto. As the narrator says it, Emma and I say it with him. "Welcome to Lost In L.A where the only life you live is long lost in the worldly dream light."

"That doesn't even make any sense," Emma manages to say through the fading tears.

I smile, but she doesn't see it.

"Today's episode...will Lisa and Roman decide to work together? Or will their petty fights stop them from being number one? Jacob and Jennifer have the double J initials, but what happens when JJ wants to be more than what they can? And our last competitors, Rochelle and Pablo, are they too fab for working their abs? We"ll see in the season finale of Lost In L.A."

Emma laughs, and I can see that she's going to be okay. I'm not worried anymore. It's these kind of moments where you realize that a strong person can break down, but that's what builds them up to be even stronger. And I know now that together we fix each other and together we are unstoppable.

On the tv, we watched the first couple run through the streets of the "city", although that's only what they think it is. Rick told Emma and I that the producers actually rebuilt a copy of the city on an abandoned island and the extras on scene are all volunteers.

Lisa was running down an alley. Roman was going after her. It looked like she was running away from him. She knocked down stacked cans as she passed them. The scattered on the ground and Roman was completely clueless. He didn't know what was coming. He came around the corner and tripped over the cans.

"The empire has fallen," Emma shouted and fell back in laughter. 

"She has defeated the Roman," I laughed with her.

After we were done laughing, Emma let out a big yawn and the television went to commercial. She laid back on the pillow and fell asleep. I reached over to grab the remote and recorded the show. I then turned off the tv and it was dark again. I laid down, still in Emma's bed. I grabbed her hand and fell asleep.