Dealing Devil (Jensoo)

Life Could NOT Get Worse

I sighed as I sat in the break room.

I blew out a breath. How can life be so hectic and mean?

I'm so tired. Every day feels like I'm on the brink of losing my sanity.

Life's so hard sometimes.

For example, my ex-boyfriend and I fell out of love and broke up a few months ago.

The thing was...

I didn't even realize I had been falling out of love.

I just started prioritizing my work over everything else. I didn't have time for him and he understood. He understood completely.

I dated him for 2 years and he understood how my mind worked.

That I could never put anything above my family and my career.

It also explains why I have not settled down at the ripe old age of 33.

My parents are beyond hopeless when it comes to me getting married.

They even started setting me up with women in hopes of me falling in love and "finding happiness".

How do you "find" happiness anyway?!

It's not like it's a treasure with a map laying out how to find it for you!

It's like the deepest darkest treasure to find and I have given up looking for it.

A knock came on the door.

Rosie poked her head in. "You good?"

I covered my face in my hands and rubbed it. "Yeah...sure. If you can call a failed date last night good? Or even in the past month?! I went on 27 dates! 27 of them in this past month! And my parents want me to get married quickly because they're afraid my mom will relapse on her cancer! So no! I'm not doing good!"

Rosie sighed and sat down in a chair beside me in a white doctor's coat like mine. Her badge was pinned to the pocket on the coat and her blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail. Her hazel eyes roamed over my face, gauging how I'm doing.

"Jennie....I think you should calm down. Your parents are probably overreacting."

I shook my head. "My mom started having pain in her chest again. Just like 5 years ago. She just got better and I can't see her go through all this again."

Rosie sighed again. "You just have to have faith."

I chuckled and brushed away the small tear that had slipped out. "Yeah...sure. Faith. If God actually was there for me, I wouldn't have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 12. Just leave it Rosie." I stood up and put my coat on.

Leaving my blonde best friend, I went to the bathroom and leaned my head against the cool tiles.

That's when tears fell down my cheek.

••••••••••

Tears are like cake.

You know it's bad for you but the more you eat it, the better you feel.

Crying has always been an outlet for me.

Sure I have a bad temper but crying helps bring out all my sadness, anger and depression.

It frees me of pressure without actually taking it away. It clears my head and makes everything somewhat better.

So I cry.

I cry everyday because my mom might get sick again.

I cry because my dad is in a wheelchair and my mom is the only one who takes care of him.